meridian_rose

Have your ever felt as irrelevant as a Blockbuster store
Or maybe Woolworths or BHS
One of those chain stores that folded
And people who once shopped there
Say things like "Oh, that's so sad"
And "I'll miss it"
Not because they still shopped there
But because they did, in times past

They liked the familiarity of a store
The idea of it
The notion that it would always be there
Without them having to actually visit
Or make purchases
Buying stationery elsewhere
Choosing other clothes shops
Prioritising other retailers

Have you ever wondered how long it would be
For anyone to truly notice if you disappeared
Or if they'd care
How long they'd miss you for – how long you'd miss someone else
It's no use shedding tears over a store you don't shop in closing down
Or a show you've never watched getting cancelled
Or a musician you never listen to quitting show business
Or someone you don't seem to care about dying.

Notes: ( Read more... )

Rewrite of an older work. Published and promoted at wordpress;fic blog;tumblr;twitter;pinterest;facebook

The Importance of Audience: The Unwatched Play wordpress ; writing blog
tumblr;twitter;pinterest 1/2;facebook

I'm not pariticpating in the current round of therealljidol for various reasons (you can sign up until Wednesday if you'd like to). But I will probably read and vote. There's also scope to write non-voting entries for the prompts. This week's is "I need the struggle to feel alive". And I could not disagree more.

I take pleasure in completion of projects, and overcoming some obstacles. Think of an online game; you can complete tasks, save points, buy upgrades. Or you can pay for the upgrades. Which is more satisfying? The one where you put the work in. But constant struggling is not fun, not satisfying, not rewarding. Working witout achieving success is soul destroying.

Which brings me to apathy.

The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference - Elie Wiesel

the worst thing you can do to an author is to be silent as to his works - Samuel Johnson

My NaNo failures continue. I skipped a day yesterday, out for a Christmas Shopping & Meal Out with my sister and a movie on the night with family. I don't regret it but it means my wordcount deficit is now staggering, 10.5k, and if I write nothing today 12k.

I've posted a ficlet and a fic during NaNo, hoping feedback would help inspire me to do more. But no matter how many posts I make, or how much fic I post, or fic promo posts I post, I'm not getting comments on fic, barely any reblogs of tumblr posts. Same for journal entries I make, and comments I leave on entries and on fic; barely any response. I've made an effort to make more posts this month. I've made an effort to leave more comments on fic this month and got responses to less than half.

Apathy cannot kill my creative urge entirely but it can sap it enough that I see no reason to finish anything* or share it publicly, and jfc it's laughable to think about original work when fanfic (even about a popular ship) can't muster up enthusiasm from a built-in audience.**
I'm just feeling down for a few reasons right now, this is just one of them but it's a big one. Writing has always felt like who I am and if that's pointless, it's all pointless.***

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* 2 x 10k fics one in each of those same two fandoms, why bother? Because I made a commitment is all I've got right now.

** cue "oh you should only write for yourself and not care at all about audience"; if I write for myself and myself alone why post? I've got unposted fanfic novellas that are for me. If I'm posting it's because I'm sharing.
If I write you a personal email I'm talking to you, if I make a filtered post I'm talking to a select group of people, if I make a public post I'm saying "I exist, I am here, I have thoughts, I have made this thing, please listen and respond in kind."

*** cue "you should have more REAL interests"; you think real life friends haven't dropped me once they get spouses/kids, you think I should get a partner when society keeps making it clear that asexuals don't deserve relationships because sex is the be-all-and-end-all of partnerships. Or maybe you think my clerking job (which I do enjoy and get some satisfaction from) is a replacement for the desire to create and be heard? I'm tired of being told I should get more "real work"/be an editor/take up *insert non-creative activity here*; I'm looking to succeed in what I love, not do what anyone else thinks I should be doing.

I didn't even manage five poems, given the lack of interest, and have resorted to graphics tutorials and, today, recs (in the vain hope what other people have to say is more interesting), so day six will be the last post of poetry week. Still, have a haiku

poetry is one
way of expressing one's
deepest hopes, dreams, fears

Rec's:

Themes of the week were creativity, the highs and lows:

see the whole comic strip here

And the importance of audience:

If we write a book and no one reads it, does the book really exist? Or is it simply a collection of words caught somewhere between yesterday and eternity, destined to float silently through the universe until it disappears altogether?

read the whole article here

It's pretty ironic that for most of these pieces where I'm writing about the importance of audience, I don't have one. There's always people saying "you should totally…" write more poetry/publish a book/finish that fanfic/make a record/learn to edit vids, when what they mean is "You should totally do that but I won't read/listen/watch". It rather reminds me of Zoolander's Hansel enthusing about his "hero", Sting:

Day three of poetry week, in which I'm writing prose poetry on the theme of creativity, the highs and lows, and the importance of audience.

The Unwatched Play

Frank lounges in his seat
Disappointed with himself
Feeling unfulfilled
"No auditions?" Joe asks
( Read more... )