Online friends are real friends; why downtime matters

[meridian_rose]

So LJ is having problems again. That's why I signed up for a DW account, right? And I'm getting more comfortable here :D But DW still can't replace LJ entirely for me, because so many friends and nearly all of the comms I follow are not here. So I try to import often to here, and crosspost from here - I may have to do more crossposting from here, though; apparantly if you change something in the DW entry that you psoted to LJ, the LJ entry automatically updates itself...this is amazing and will cut down on editing if I have to change an embarassing spelling error or fix a url. I need to test this :D

I've been following the updates at the LJ Facebook page, and of course people are complaining about the downtime. And then there are people saying it's not big deal. And then there are the people who are saying downtime is no big deal and that people have no right to complain and should 'get a life'.

You know what? Beyond my immediate family, I have virtually no social contact most days in the week. Don't get me wrong, that's mostly okay with me. I'm introverted and pretty unsocial anyway. But my online activities let me deal with people in a way that allows me some control over the interaction; it's safe and can be done at my own speed, unlike real life. My online activities let me connect to people I have things in common with, who I give support to and receive support from. LJ has been a lifeline when things have been really bad in my life. Belonging to landcomms gives me a sense of community, deadlines to work to, reasons to type and research and improve my graphics skills. Blogging keeps me connected to people. Real people, just ones that are further away...

For anyone who thinks online friends aren't real friends, I recommend this link, which ivanolix posted about recently, saying that 'all of us in fandom by default have friends "in the box".'

I didn't think online friends were the same as real friends, and those five hundred Facebook friends some people have are the sort of casual accquaintances that don't 'count'. But the people you connect with, who share your highs and lows, they're friends, even if you've never met them in the real, physical, world. Hell, reality is overrated anyway. Online friends on the other hand are undervalued by most. Not me. Not any more.

Comments

[liquidtears]

*Big Hugs*

I got the same thing. I've tried XII times to post a reply someone at an LJ account to a fic but it just would NOT get through. I'm thinking about only using this, but then I would have to make another community and stuff and repost other stuff from LJ.

We'll see for now. *hugs again*

[meridian_rose]

Aw, thank you :D At least you're here :D *hugs*

[aldersprig]

Yes, this.

Most of my community is on twitter and via IM, but yes. Online people are real people. A girl I've never met IRL has held my hand through the entire home-buying process. A guy I only know by his screen name mailed me fudge for Christmas last year.

Friends are friends.

Also, the DW xpost editing does work. Only flaws? Your custom friends groups & icons need to have exactly the same names, as, while you can manually change those in the xposted post on LJ, if you then edit DW, the LJ will default back.

(If you lock the DW to a custom friends group LJ doesn't know, it sets the post to invisibles.)

[meridian_rose]

'Friends are friends'. Precisely :D At least with DW, and having emails for some of my closest online peeps, I feel less disconnected when LJ is down.

Thank you so much for that clarification. I deliberately chose different icons for here, so when I crosspost to LJ, I edit the LJ entry's icon as appropriate. This clears up the mystery of why one of the icons went back to default :D

I need to figure out the custom groups; DW imported two of my filters, presumably because those filters had entries associated with them which I was importing, while other filters only contain other people's journals/communities and thus were not imported. I haven't tried a custom filter post on DW to see how that works yet.
So if I made a DW custom group called 'DW' which does not exist on LJ, posted here to that filter and then crossposted, the entry would still crosspost to LJ but as private? That makes sense.

[aldersprig]

*nods* I crosspost everything to LJ; it took me a while to realize that "CaliBeta" and "Cali Beta" are not the same thing.

I didn't import anything (I have all my old LJ stuff in, believe it or not, hardcopy), so I can't help with that part, sorry.

[hrhrionastar]

Reality is overrated ;)

I agree with everything you've said here - I feel so lucky to have my friends 'in the box.'

I've missed everyone now that LJ is down - and I'm quite worried about legendland, since the battle's ending and I can't even post anything...

I may have to move to DW, but I hope LJ recovers soon! *fingers crossed*

[meridian_rose]

I'm hoping they'll extend challenges like the inspiration tree if LJ isn't fixed soon - you can't riff off other people's works if no-one can post!

At least we do have DW and we can crosspost entries, both new and past entries, to LJ. Once PalaceProphets is sorted out fully over at LJ, we maybe ought to mirror it here, too, just in case. Might have to choose a different but similar style, but should be able to just add in the header. Of course that's something else we're behind on, thank you, hackers. No point posting a poll when no-one can vote on it.

[hrhrionastar]

It would be a good idea to extend the challenges, I think - as it is, I'm not sure how much I'll be able to do before the end of the battle. And, because LJ is down, I can't even suggest it to the mods!

That's a great idea, mirroring PalaceProphets here :D I'm going to have to start posting to the communities here on DW, too.

[lilfluff]

Thank goodness for friends in the box, because I rarely end up seeing anyone but coworkers 'IRL'.

I wouldn't say I hate LJ, but the shine has come off the chrome and I largely still use it due to inertia and that there are quite a few still there who haven't moved over to DW. But I am finding myself preferring things here. It may not be perfect, but at least the owners polish the chrome to keep the shine on the shiny.

That said I'm holding out hope that something like Diaspora will succeed in building up a decentralized social media platform. As I put it (in fewer words) on twitter a while back, my dream online world would be one in which I cared as much whether someone uses LJ, DW, Facebook, or G+ about as much as I care who handles their email. For some years now even if I have never had an AOL account I can still email someone who gets their email through them. Likewise someone with a FillInTheBlank.com email address. I don't have to have an account there but the email still goes through fine. It would be nice if social media operated the same. Make an account wherever (even self hosted if you want) and connect to wherever.

But back more on topic, heck yeah people in the box are real. And if they aren't then I'll take the fake. Among other things it's people here that have brought out again the desire to write and got me off my butt and writing (well, one of these days I'll have room to try and set up a walking-desk :)).

[meridian_rose]

That's an interesting thought, the 'who handles the email'. Because I'm not sure how it could work - Facebook has a very different feel to it, and isn't set up for fiction; Tumblr is mostly just graphics with very little social interaction; LJ and DW have similarities but aren't quite the same. I'll have to ponder this a while, because it is intriguing. And while I keep my rl identity separate for the most part from my online one, I use meridian-rose for all the online 'places' where I want to connect with people, from Vimeo to Youtube, from AO3 to FF.net. So centralisation might not be that big a leap.

'then I'll take the fake'; exactly :D People in the real world often don't understand what you are going through, or trying to accomplish, which can be isolating. But you can usually find people online who share your interests, who know what you're going through, and who can indeed help you 'get off your butt' :D

[aldersprig]

Second thought, from this morning's shower:

Because I made most of my friends at college (not my college, but nevertheless), I've spent my 20's and 30's watching my dear friends move away... and then *we* moved away. This means that even my "meat" friends, who I've known in person, are mostly electrons, seen once or twice a year at best.

[meridian_rose]

That's a very good point; technology lets us keep in touch with friends and family who move away - or whom we move away from. I think there's more of an acceptance for that kind of connection though, than for those we've never met. It's definitely changing, but there's a still a 'Internet dating is sad' attitude that colours all online friendships in some people's minds.

[aldersprig]

Hrrm, that could be. I belonged to a worldwide gaming (roleplay) organization for a long time, so my echo chamber is a bit different.

(My dad has a livejournal, too).

[ivanolix]

You know what? Beyond my immediate family, I have virtually no social contact most days in the week. Don't get me wrong, that's mostly okay with me. I'm introverted and pretty unsocial anyway. But my online activities let me deal with people in a way that allows me some control over the interaction; it's safe and can be done at my own speed, unlike real life. My online activities let me connect to people I have things in common with, who I give support to and receive support from.

I couldn't agree more with this.

[meridian_rose]

When I read some of those Facebook comments I thought about that webpage, found it again via your entry, and added it to my delicious bookmarks for future reference. So thanks again for bringing it to my attention :D

[brontefanatic]

I've had a grand total of 2 hours of lj access since Sunday night and was about going crazy. Like you, I check the lj FB page quite often, and what I'm reading is not very encouraging. This DDoS attack is many times more serious than the ones earlier in the year, and I have no reason to believe that they won't continue.

Once the problem seemed to be solved in April, I pretty much abandoned DW, not posting or keeping current with my friends here. I can't let that happen again. I also want to find a way to back up all of my lj entries to pdf format.

Apart from work and immediate family, some of my most intense connections are with my online friends, and losing that connect is very upsetting to me. So I'm committing myself to work harder at making sure it doesn't happen again.

[meridian_rose]

I think most of us who joined DW during the last downtime are guilty of importing our LJs and then mostly going back to business as usual once LJ was up again. I've been making more of an effort - the meme I found on DW I've filled in at DW, for example. And I import entries to DW once or twice a week from LJ.

It actually makes sense to crosspost from DW - you can do it retroactively once LJ is up again, too - because apparantly any edit you then make to the DW entry is replicaed automatically in the LJ version; no double editing to correct a spelling error :D There's plenty of detail about the 'public' vs 'locked' and icon defaulting associated with this in the DW offical comm posts - they're a mine of information, unlike the crappy LJ admin posts.

I realise there's a lot of great DW features I need to investigate; stuff about tags for example that I was reading about. I just hope they get the 'ticky box' tag system working soon, something I like about LJ since I have problems remembering what tags I actually use :P

This thread: http://dw-maintenance.dreamwidth.org/35041.html?thread=757473#cmt757473 talks about backing up your LJ. I keep a backup - must do it again once LJ's back - using LJ backup. It keeps a copy of your journal offsite and you can view it like you would a website, with each entry being a different webpage. The pdf option is, I believe, something you have to pay for, but worth considering for the peace of mind if you have the cash.

Finally, now I'm done preaching about the pros of DW and so forth, yes, online friends can be so much a part of your life, so taking a few steps to keep in touch should LJ fall over is worth the effort. Knowing I could contact you and Riona via email, and that you both, along with some valued others on my LJ flist are over on DW made the whole situation a bit more bearable :D

[meredith44]

I agree so much with this! I was kinda flaily when LJ was offline for so long (and has gone back offline now, for me at least). I have a few "real" friends, but I honestly feel more connected to most people I've met online. Just because we usually have a lot in common and usually I'm more comfortable talking when I don't have to face people at work or whatever.

[meridian_rose]

Yes, I'm having problems viewing entries and can't seem to post again at all over there. I'm so glad so many of my LJ friends are here too - I'd hate to lose contact with you all. I'd have been flailing last week without DW to keep me sane :D

[meredith44]

I was trying to do the Legendland challenges and it's taking me 5/6 tries to get the page to fully load each time I access it. Sigh...

Sadly, most of the people/communities I'm on LJ for are not over here. So I'm not really here either. Maybe this will get more people to migrate? I know it prompted me to import my LJ to DW.

[meridian_rose]

Maybe it will encourage more people and comms to migrate. I know I'm becoming more 'here' for posting, while reading entries at both LJ and DW. The only issue is that comms can't yet be imported to DW, only personal journals, which might be holding some community maintainers back from making the transition or fully mirroring their comms here.

[munanna.livejournal.com]

I completely agree with you on online friendships. *hugs* ♥

[meridian_rose]

Thank you *hugs*

[scandaloussteph.livejournal.com]

Online friends are real friends. I am lucky to have great "real life friends" (I don't really like using "real life", because all you guys exists in real life too, but I don't know what else to use) and great online friends. I don't value one group more than the other, it's totally different, we connect on different levels, but I love everyone the same.

[meridian_rose]

Oh yes, we exist - well probably we do and aren't AI's posing as such :P - so real life isn't quite the right term. I just use and see it used as rl as opposed to online life, as in 'I'd have posted yesterday but rl got in the way'. Perhaps more appropriate terms do exist or will come into common usage. Hmm, food for thought :D
I love everyone the same. ♥

[mrs-jack-turner.livejournal.com]

I have friends I've met through LJ who I've been friends with and have been through more with me than people I've met in person. I toally agree with this.

[meridian_rose]

I think people who don't use the Internet much underestimate how supportive an environment it can be, once you find safe spaces away from places like Youtube and Yahoo.

[mrs-jack-turner.livejournal.com]

Exactly. My parents just don't understand. They seem to think you can't talk to other people on the computer, or that they have to be people you know in person and only on a messenger service. So not true.

[mfirefly10.livejournal.com]

ITA about the importance of online friends. So what if we don't get together for dinner twice a week? I talk to my flist more than to my 'rl' friends most of the time! I think online friendships count just as much as 'rl' ones. Especially since I sometimes feel like I can be more myself with my online friends nowadays.

[meridian_rose]

Someone at DW commented how most of their rl friends are now no longer in the same geographic area, and so online is the best way to keep in touch with them too - even rl friends can be online friends :D And, yes, online friends you'll often have more things in common because that's how you meet rather than through work/school.