meridian_rose

Title: Coming Out Ambiguously
Fandom: Revenge, The Good Wife
Type: 2 Wallpapers (and brief notes/meta)
Prompt: For the trope_bingo prompt "coming out (of the closet)"

For the prompt I've chosen two characters who don't identify as gay but more towards bisexuality, and whose coming out is not a matter of a simple, "Look, I'm bisexual."
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I started a day late so I'm finishing a day late. There'll be one more final thoughts post later or tomorrow.

Day seven – visibility and representation

There are not that many examples of asexual characters, though the One Of Us tag on the One% world gives both fictional examples and mentions real people.

The major – ie mainstream - examples of asexual people tend to be the Doctor (Dr Who), Sheldon Cooper (The Big Bang Theory) and Sherlock (Sherlock, BBC). They are all interesting characters in their own right. However there are significant problems with holding them up as asexual role models or examples:

They're all white
They're all men, despite the fact that more women readily identify as asexual (which might be due to social pressure on men to have sex as previously discussed) – please excuse my use of gender binary in this example
They're all "othered" in multiple ways – one is an alien, one is often read by reviewers as someone with Asperger's, and Sherlock says he isn't a psychopath but "a high functioning sociopath" (a label disagreed with often, including here which is interesting because it points out that 'sexual promiscuity and numerous short-term relationships' are traits prevalent in a sociopathic person.)
They all fit the 'purity' myth to some degree; Sheldon won't even drink coffee because it's a drug, the Doctor doesn't drink alcohol, Sherlock's only vice is smoking and he's working on giving it up
They're all geniuses - it ties in with the purity myth, "I don't drink I don't want to damage my precious wonderful snowflake brain cells" – and so spend a lot of time talking down to those around them who are just too stupid to understand. The Doctor doesn't always dumb things down, but he does sometimes treat companions like young children – ah, they're so imaginative but so naïve!
They do not use the label for themselves

There are lesser known characters such as New Zealand's Shortland Street's Gerald, still a white male, but one who discovers and accepts asexuality as an orientation and the right label for him. Poppy from a show called Huge is a rare female using the label for herself.

The TV Tropes page on asexuality has a list of examples from all media forms though some are questionable (Sherlock, again). It's interesting that this page has a more tolerant and sympathetic view of asexuality than many mainstream news outlets, clearly stating that "It should be noted that asexuals are not incapable of sex or falling in love. Asexuality is often the lack of sexual attraction rather than sex drive or emotional attraction. As such, asexuals who are more indifferent to sex rather than actively averse to it may be quite capable of sex and masturbation (though this is not usually directed at any object of desire) if they need to. Asexuals in romantic relationships with sexual individuals, for example, may have no problem having intercourse with their partners for the sake of said relationship even if the act itself may not have the same significance or appeal as it would to sexual individuals. Unlike the aforementioned fully sexual individuals, asexuals do not actively desire said sexual actions and will not miss said acts at all if denied to them" and
"It is unfortunately common for some people to express cynicism towards the idea of asexuality, or to insist that it is simply impossible for two people to have a close, platonic relationship where sex is not involved."

It also mentions the much maligned episode of House where he (himself a fanfic version of Sherlock named House rather than Holmes, crotchety genius) is proven right that anyone who doesn't want sex is sick or lying. This is the sort of visibility asexual people do not need. There's enough bias from culture and religion telling us we're broken.

Outside the Mainstream

What about fanfic? It's common to queer characters and unfortunately it's still common practice to erase queerness, especially bisexuality. Asexuals rarely get a mention, though there seems to be a fair amount of Avengers fic dealing with the issue. However most asexual characters find themselves having sex with their love interest, otherwise it's not a real relationship, right? /sarcasm/

This post talks about fanfic, including the spectrum of asexuality and the "dearth of ace fics" featuring anyone who isn't a white cis man. It goes on to say that in many of the fics they have read, an asexual person ("Sam") develops a relationship with a sexually active person ("Jo") and:
"in 90% (not a scientific statistic) of fics I have read, is that sooner or later Sam and Jo will end up in bed together. Sam will realise that sex is important to Joe. So Sam, because they love Jo just that much, will go about bringing Jo sexual pleasure, and Sam will enjoy doing this because Jo is enjoying it.
Then they will cuddle and everything will be fine.
Cut to me, clicking out of the fic, feeling utterly dispirited. I thought that maybe this time the fic wouldn’t fall into the narrative that romantic relationships must, in some way, include sex in order to be legitimate. That the asexual character wasn’t required, in some way, to compromise on their identity.
Often in the fic they aren’t doing this, by the way. In fics as written, the asexual character is totally happy with this arrangement. In real life, many asexuals are in sexual relationships and they are happy and fulfilled - some asexuals, whilst they don’t experience sexual attraction, do have libidos and can experience sexual desire. The problem isn’t with this narrative by itself. The problem is when this is the dominant representation of asexual relationships in fandom." [emboldening mine]

It's certainly something I struggle with. I'm far more interested in writing and reading non-sexual aspects of intimacy but I still don't write many asexual characters. I do have one in particular and I do want her to explore sex up to a point – not to engage in PIV sex, however, the only sex that counts for most people. It's difficult to try and show the spectrum of romantic and sexual attraction without potentially being told "they're not asexual they're just frigid" or "no asexual would behave like that".

One more link on fiction: Asexual Lesbians/ Asexual Women in Fiction.

It's hard to go one week without coming across a Tumblr post, Youtube comment, or comment on a newspaper article that posits sex as vital and asexuals as (a) liars/sick bastards in need of medicating, and/or (b) incapable of being in a romantic relationship.

Some articles in agony columns will say that sex is not important or is only as important as the individuals in a relationship believe it to be. Others insist sex is really important – that sex is the difference between marriage and being roommates. (Where "fuck buddy" roommates fit in is anyone's guess)

One study found that

"Romantic relationships are, at their core, friendships….benefits come from valuing friendship specifically, rather than any other aspect of the relationship (e.g., the sexual aspect). "

That's what interests me most in a 'ship' between friends or romantic partners; aspects like trust and respect, nonsexual intimacies, banter. In ships were the characters are often serious and contained, showing their playful side or their vulnerabilities is a huge turn-on, and shows how important and trustworthy they deem their partner to behave in these ways.

I don't read a lot of PWP even though I often enjoy erotic fiction. For me there has to be some deeper connection, some emotional intimacy if I'm to enjoy reading about a relationship. I'm also interested in various kinks, so lots of touching of hair, or the fact that he's wearing a uniform, or that they're having sex on a desk or in a shower excites me more than basic PIV bedroom sex.



I think the only orig fic PWP I've written was An Intimate Moment, where the couple meet, feel an attraction, and leave the club to have sex. Although even here there was a weighing up of qualities both physical and character wise, before the decision was made.

It wasn't his blue eyes that attracted her so much as the way they swept the area, assessing it just as she had done when she entered. This was a man who knew where all the exits were, who had positioned himself at the bar where he could use the mirrored glass behind it to check his perimeter, and who held himself with a confidence that suggested he'd been tried, tested and not found wanting. This was prey worth stalking, and if her instincts were correct, the sort who would appreciate the game.

In fanfic, I try to touch on why the erotic focus is there; in the PWP LotS fic Foreplay I imply for the purposes of the story that Darken is attracted to Richard, but the backstory is already there, his jealousy of his brother, his love of domination and thus having Richard at his mercy. If I'm shipping characters who haven't got a romantic/sexual relationship in canon I usually try to spend some time developing their relationship in ways other than sex before having them jump into bed. I also write threesomes* and touch on things like age-gap relationships, still fairly underrepresented in fanfic.

In original fic, I'm usually writing about relationships that go way beyond physical attraction. Some characters have fairly casual attitudes to sex while some characters think of sex as important, even sacred, and not to be entered into lightly. Relationships however are always much more than this. There can be sex and no relationship. There can be a relationship and no sex. There can be a sexual relationship, but the sexual part is the least important aspect of the 'ship'. I'm not interested in the "one night stand" phenomenon beyond the disposable nature of such encounters. I'm far more interested in how the characters feel about each other and how they act towards each other and work/live alongside each other.

As a counterpoint to all the "not really a relationship" bs and the anger I feel over it, I'm going to write some fic (and maybe some meta/character descriptions) addressing sex and relationships in the various orig fic verses I write in. These ficlets might be a little less polished. Some will be canon. Some will be canon that might not appear in the finished product but exist as backstory/character development. A few might not necessarily be canon, but an exploring of potential ideas. All the pieces will have a tag fic series: caras where CARAS is an acronym for Character Attitudes to Relationships And Sex.

*I also have a lot of thoughts about love triangles and having to choose and shilly-shallying back and froth between partners (Pacey/Joey/Dawson of Dawson's Creek is a particularly frustrating example), the bs that you can't be attracted to more than one person at a time, and why we should look at non-monogamous options, but that's a whole other rant and fic series

Title: Mirror, Mirror: The Good and the Problematic
Fandom: Legend of the Seeker
Word Count: 555+ words
Prompt: For the legendland rewatch challenge
Summary: Partly cracky, partly serious review of the episode "Mirror", looking at the inherent humour of the script as well as the problematic treatment of gay characters
Warnings: None

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PG-13, mild dubcon for the "authority figures" icons as per the Mord'Sith actions in canon.



( Kink prompt:Voyeurism. Fandom:The Borigas. 10 icons. Cesare, Lucrezia.  )

( Kink prompt: shaving/depilation. Fandom:Game of Thrones. 12 icons. Renly/Loras. )

( Kink prompt: authority figures. Fandom: Legend of the Seeker. Denna, Richard, other Mord'Sith. 9 icons. )

For the writerverse challenge prompt 'Platonic Soulmates'.
I found this hard to write, possibly as it's so important a subject to me, and I didn't want to get caught up in the terminology, let alone the justification that platonic relationships are valuable - though some of that comes through. It feels very raw to me, and I may edit it further at a later date - concrit appreciated.

Zucchini is a term used to describe queerplatonic relationship partners - eg 'she's my zucchini'; you can read a bit about it here. In Britain we call the squash in question courgette so it's probably less bizarre a usage to me in the first place :D
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