Snowflake Challenge Day 13
Jan. 13th, 2019 05:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
meridian_roseDay 13
In your own space, set some goals for the coming year. They can be fannish or not, public or private.
This is a good one to talk about. A couple of years ago it was comment on every fic that I finished reading at AO3 that was over 100 words. And I've done that, probably 98-99% success rate. Last year it was "write more ideas down so I don't forget them" and that's only been about 60% successful but that's still better than before. I did the![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
writethisfanfic thing to get started and was OMG I can't write down all the things, but I got down a lot of them in a spreadsheet and I try to add to that. As I mentioned in another entry, I still don't always write it down, or I make a note somewhere other than the spreadsheet and have to do catch-up later but I'm getting better at it!
This year I've vowed to be nicer to myself. There's some personal rambling here so feel free to jump down to the bottom below the cut/stop reading!
Last year was tough. I lost my last pet (mouse) and we lost my doggy niece Mara at ten years old and there was a lot of family upheaval and some sickness and I got terrible writer's block. Like, I don't know how to make words or have ideas block. I was very emotional. Then there was the heatwave which meant I had to spend more time outdoors in the shade than at the computer (which was suffering too, and internet access got spotty). Actually the outdoor time helped though. I tried using family laptop and got on better than expected, I did puzzles, and read a couple of books, and watched the wildlife.
When I did come back more online I'd got dumped by a long term online tumblr friend who criticised me for being sad for too long and writing too much depressing stuff – writing was coming back but I was processing my feelings. And I've *always* been a heavy angst and hurt/comfort writer, so wtf?
(If you tell someone how much you love them and care about them maybe don't dump them while they're taking some time to get their head together and if you're a writer, maybe don't be a hypocrite and/or shit on a friend's writing. Also try not shitting on their sexual orientation.)
That hurt a lot and I was angry for a long time. However I've come to realise I have more free time. Not multiple times a day messaging on Tumblr. Limiting time on Tumblr full stop. Doing what I want to do.
I can't say how glad I am Dreamwidth is getting more active.
I'm coming away from DW feeling energised and inspired and touched by fannish engagement, with only the odd annoyance. Tumblr frequently left me pissed off with its black and white thinking, the anti movement, the ill-informed and often hateful posts. If I never see a post wishing PTSD on anyone who's served in the military again, or a post gushing about how all women are beautiful angels and men just "potatoes", I'll be happy.
Being kinder to myself means strictly controlling and limiting when and how I use Tumblr.
Because my writing had suffered I was not going to meet my Get Your Words Out goal of 250k words. I was sad about this. However I realised that after I'd completed my Yuletide assignment and a piece forsuperhero_land (landcomms are amazing!) that I wasn't far off 100k. I made that my new goal and it took some doing, and the 3 sentence ficathon helped, but I made it. That was a result of "you can do it" rather than "you'll never make your goal so just give up" self-talk.
I've found a FB group and some Youtube channels that I find inspiring and help keep me from letting myself getting too bogged down in negativity.
I already have a gratitude section in my Bullet Journal but I also try to focus more on positive things I've achieved.
Another thing I need to work on is keeping track of time; I'm horrible at "I haven't written in WEEKS" but the GYWO spreadsheet says only 9 days, for example. I'm naturally impatient and "OMG it's been months since thing I want to do" – actually only 3 weeks. So while that's not my main goal, a little more being present in the moment and not letting myself exaggerate things.
-end of rambling-
So this year instead of letting myself feel beaten down, I'm focussing on how to be kinder. To find things that make me happy and do them. To spend more time at DW and less on Tumblr. My mantra is "you don't have to do it all at once." Just keep going and maybe 250k is possible, or maybe not but 100k is.
Related: "It doesn't matter"; maybe you don't need to do the things at all or maybe not now or maybe not perfectly.
It's okay to say "I can't do this right now" and step back and reassess instead of beating myself up about it. I don't have to do it all at once or maybe at all.
This weekend I'm having to consider if I need to drop out of small fandon big bang. I had a few ideas for the fandom I'd chosen but I signed up when things were not great and I've only written a bit for any of the ideas. And I'm telling myself it's okay, there'll be another round of SFBB. I can write any of the ideas outside of SFBB (and that allows a lower wordcount). It's okay to not be able to do it this time. It's okay if I do suddenly have a burst of energy this week and get down enough words that I think I can finish by the deadline.
That's one example of how I'm trying to be kinder instead of telling myself I'm a failure!
In your own space, set some goals for the coming year. They can be fannish or not, public or private.
This is a good one to talk about. A couple of years ago it was comment on every fic that I finished reading at AO3 that was over 100 words. And I've done that, probably 98-99% success rate. Last year it was "write more ideas down so I don't forget them" and that's only been about 60% successful but that's still better than before. I did the
writethisfanfic thing to get started and was OMG I can't write down all the things, but I got down a lot of them in a spreadsheet and I try to add to that. As I mentioned in another entry, I still don't always write it down, or I make a note somewhere other than the spreadsheet and have to do catch-up later but I'm getting better at it!This year I've vowed to be nicer to myself. There's some personal rambling here so feel free to jump down to the bottom below the cut/stop reading!
Last year was tough. I lost my last pet (mouse) and we lost my doggy niece Mara at ten years old and there was a lot of family upheaval and some sickness and I got terrible writer's block. Like, I don't know how to make words or have ideas block. I was very emotional. Then there was the heatwave which meant I had to spend more time outdoors in the shade than at the computer (which was suffering too, and internet access got spotty). Actually the outdoor time helped though. I tried using family laptop and got on better than expected, I did puzzles, and read a couple of books, and watched the wildlife.
When I did come back more online I'd got dumped by a long term online tumblr friend who criticised me for being sad for too long and writing too much depressing stuff – writing was coming back but I was processing my feelings. And I've *always* been a heavy angst and hurt/comfort writer, so wtf?
(If you tell someone how much you love them and care about them maybe don't dump them while they're taking some time to get their head together and if you're a writer, maybe don't be a hypocrite and/or shit on a friend's writing. Also try not shitting on their sexual orientation.)
That hurt a lot and I was angry for a long time. However I've come to realise I have more free time. Not multiple times a day messaging on Tumblr. Limiting time on Tumblr full stop. Doing what I want to do.
I can't say how glad I am Dreamwidth is getting more active.
I'm coming away from DW feeling energised and inspired and touched by fannish engagement, with only the odd annoyance. Tumblr frequently left me pissed off with its black and white thinking, the anti movement, the ill-informed and often hateful posts. If I never see a post wishing PTSD on anyone who's served in the military again, or a post gushing about how all women are beautiful angels and men just "potatoes", I'll be happy.
Being kinder to myself means strictly controlling and limiting when and how I use Tumblr.
Because my writing had suffered I was not going to meet my Get Your Words Out goal of 250k words. I was sad about this. However I realised that after I'd completed my Yuletide assignment and a piece for
superhero_land (landcomms are amazing!) that I wasn't far off 100k. I made that my new goal and it took some doing, and the 3 sentence ficathon helped, but I made it. That was a result of "you can do it" rather than "you'll never make your goal so just give up" self-talk.I've found a FB group and some Youtube channels that I find inspiring and help keep me from letting myself getting too bogged down in negativity.
I already have a gratitude section in my Bullet Journal but I also try to focus more on positive things I've achieved.
Another thing I need to work on is keeping track of time; I'm horrible at "I haven't written in WEEKS" but the GYWO spreadsheet says only 9 days, for example. I'm naturally impatient and "OMG it's been months since thing I want to do" – actually only 3 weeks. So while that's not my main goal, a little more being present in the moment and not letting myself exaggerate things.
-end of rambling-
So this year instead of letting myself feel beaten down, I'm focussing on how to be kinder. To find things that make me happy and do them. To spend more time at DW and less on Tumblr. My mantra is "you don't have to do it all at once." Just keep going and maybe 250k is possible, or maybe not but 100k is.
Related: "It doesn't matter"; maybe you don't need to do the things at all or maybe not now or maybe not perfectly.
It's okay to say "I can't do this right now" and step back and reassess instead of beating myself up about it. I don't have to do it all at once or maybe at all.
This weekend I'm having to consider if I need to drop out of small fandon big bang. I had a few ideas for the fandom I'd chosen but I signed up when things were not great and I've only written a bit for any of the ideas. And I'm telling myself it's okay, there'll be another round of SFBB. I can write any of the ideas outside of SFBB (and that allows a lower wordcount). It's okay to not be able to do it this time. It's okay if I do suddenly have a burst of energy this week and get down enough words that I think I can finish by the deadline.
That's one example of how I'm trying to be kinder instead of telling myself I'm a failure!
no subject
Date: 2019-01-13 06:30 pm (UTC)Last year was awful all around it seems, I’m sorry it was so bad for you *hugs tight*
That is super no cool on your ‘friend’ for doing that. I don’t understand how people can be so mean.
Ugh, I know what you mean. Tumblr was certainly awful with its purity culture and everything. It could be a hellscape. But dw is great, especially with snowflake
*all the hugs*
no subject
Date: 2019-01-13 08:08 pm (UTC)Thank you. It was rough but this year is already better and will be Amazing :D Especially with all the DW activity to keep me inspired and engaged :D
*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2019-01-13 08:48 pm (UTC)Same here! Let’s hile it says that Way!
*all the hugs*
no subject
Date: 2019-01-13 06:32 pm (UTC)And I feel you on imagining it's been MONTHS since I touched a thing when it's only been a week (and sometimes, the other way around ...).
no subject
Date: 2019-01-13 08:08 pm (UTC)We are our own worst critics and enemies sometimes!
no subject
Date: 2019-01-13 07:21 pm (UTC)Ouch! I'm sorry your friend treated you that way. My Dad didn't handle my depression well. I remember one conversation that I came out of feeling physically bruised because he was so angry. I know I've read it's how people treat you when you're down that shows who they actually are, and that's really true.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-13 08:10 pm (UTC)It was rough but I'm doing better now, thank you. That's true, if they're only there when you're being happy or worse feel you have to pretend to be happy, it's not great. I've realised sometimes you need to really feel the hurt and let yourself be sad and angry before you can let go, whereas a lot of people seem to want you to just cheer up immediately. I'm sorry you've been through such a bad time with family *hugs*
no subject
Date: 2019-01-13 08:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-01-13 08:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-01-14 06:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-01-14 03:05 pm (UTC)Absolutely, I have so many other things I can do that the big bang can put to one side for another time :) That is so sweet, thank you :)
no subject
Date: 2019-01-14 08:33 am (UTC)I'm also finding the vibe of DW so much better than on tumblr. I feel like I'm engaging with both fandom in general and other fans in particular so much better than I was on tumblr, and remembering that this is the way my experience of fandom used to be before tumblr.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-14 03:06 pm (UTC)Oh yes, this is how fandom was, people interacting instead of vaguely liking posts or shouting at each other! And I hope the uptick in activity continues :)