So I'm not finished whining from yesterday's post

[meridian_rose]

So I'm not finished whining from yesterday's personal post. I should have held off until I felt really sad/pissed off and ranted all in one place I guess. Cross-posted from Tumblr where the gifs are

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Me: *writes fanfic*
*some kudos, comments*
People: Ugh, fanfic is so derivative. If you're a serious writer you must write your own work.
Me: *writes original fic*
*crickets*
People: It's not about audience!!! Do it for fun!!!
Me: ...


Can't tell if I'm an okay fanfic writer and a shitty original fic writer or if I'm a mediocre writer all around and fanfic readers are just more generous with praise.

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Comments

[meridian_rose]

Sure but it's not "then" it's "now". And the message I'm getting from all the people on my f-list with Tumblrs and Pinterests and Twitters who haven't clicked the follow button on my professional blogs is that my endeavours are so pointless they're not worth even that basic level of support.
And since there are people out there who won't check out a Twitter without a dozen followers, or read a fic without twenty kudos, numbers are important on a level that is less about me and more about my chance at reaching a wider audience. Which ideally starts with the people I've already engaged with, but isn't happening.

Comms like Idol, of course, but it is competitive and requires much more than just writing.
The message I'm getting from all the LJ Idol-ers on my f-list who are eager for me to read and comment and vote for them, but who don't engage when I write original work, is that I'm not worth their time. I'm reading, I'm commenting, I'm voting, and I'm writing original work but somehow it isn't worthwhile because it's not for a particular contest.

The message I'm getting is no matter how much I'm told I should write articles or original fiction, it's not actually good. Because I've been posting a variety of articles and fiction and cross-posting *here* at my journals (so people don't even have to click a link to read elsewhere), with little to no feedback.

The message I get when you single out fanfic in fandoms you're not even familiar with, over my original works for comments, is that I'm okay at writing other people's characters but anything that relies on me creating characters and worlds is not worth the effort or is so bad there's no positive comments to be made.

And maybe none of these things are "true", though truth is subjective. But it's how I feel. I've spent a year doing the "build a platform" thing to help with the "self-publish" thing, and it's disheartening to feel like I'm getting nowhere. That maybe I should just give up, stick to fanfic alone, don't strive for anything additional. Know my place, below all the writers who have a Patreon account or otherwise sell fiction or whatever makes a "real" writer.

A writing group would need to be more engaging, interactive, than writerverse but *not* based on popularity voting like ljidol for me to be invested in it. I'm not sure how that would work.
I'm just frustrated as hell. It's been a rough week and while I'm feeling a little better now, the sense of lack of accomplishment over 12 months is bitter.

[bleodswean.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I agree that no comments feels like a message. I try to break those "messages" down and act accordingly. For example, the one we share in common is Idol participants. I have friended several Idol folks over the past few years and they are NOT good readers outside of the game. Most aren't good commenters on every day posts. Why keep them on your flist? If you are giving consistent concrit and comment on their work and commenting on their posts and none of that is coming back...that is friendly. Period.

I'm not trying to send you a message about your original work. I try to read all of your work when I see it posted. I don't always and I don't usually scroll back in my flist. I will try to check in on your journal more regularly. Here's the thing with your MMoM original. Most of it was drabble-length so there isn't a lot to comment on other than an attagirl. Most of it felt deeply....intimate to me? In a personal way that commenting just didn't feel comfortable. I'm not sure if you wanted concrit so I didn't offer it. With fanfic and the subject of masturbation, it seemed that one degree removed enough to comment without feeling like a Peeping Tom. I think the subject matter can be problematic. Especially when it's the focus of a drabble.

Writerverse didn't work for me. At all. And I don't see a writer's group being set up like that. I don't think that is, actually, a writer's group. Interactive is the key to a successful group which grows writers!