meridian_rose

Sure but it's not "then" it's "now". And the message I'm getting from all the people on my f-list with Tumblrs and Pinterests and Twitters who haven't clicked the follow button on my professional blogs is that my endeavours are so pointless they're not worth even that basic level of support.
And since there are people out there who won't check out a Twitter without a dozen followers, or read a fic without twenty kudos, numbers are important on a level that is less about me and more about my chance at reaching a wider audience. Which ideally starts with the people I've already engaged with, but isn't happening.

Comms like Idol, of course, but it is competitive and requires much more than just writing.
The message I'm getting from all the LJ Idol-ers on my f-list who are eager for me to read and comment and vote for them, but who don't engage when I write original work, is that I'm not worth their time. I'm reading, I'm commenting, I'm voting, and I'm writing original work but somehow it isn't worthwhile because it's not for a particular contest.

The message I'm getting is no matter how much I'm told I should write articles or original fiction, it's not actually good. Because I've been posting a variety of articles and fiction and cross-posting *here* at my journals (so people don't even have to click a link to read elsewhere), with little to no feedback.

The message I get when you single out fanfic in fandoms you're not even familiar with, over my original works for comments, is that I'm okay at writing other people's characters but anything that relies on me creating characters and worlds is not worth the effort or is so bad there's no positive comments to be made.

And maybe none of these things are "true", though truth is subjective. But it's how I feel. I've spent a year doing the "build a platform" thing to help with the "self-publish" thing, and it's disheartening to feel like I'm getting nowhere. That maybe I should just give up, stick to fanfic alone, don't strive for anything additional. Know my place, below all the writers who have a Patreon account or otherwise sell fiction or whatever makes a "real" writer.

A writing group would need to be more engaging, interactive, than writerverse but *not* based on popularity voting like ljidol for me to be invested in it. I'm not sure how that would work.
I'm just frustrated as hell. It's been a rough week and while I'm feeling a little better now, the sense of lack of accomplishment over 12 months is bitter.