You're never too young to follow the herd

[meridian_rose]

British actress Maisie Williams, who plays Arya Stark in "Game of Thrones", says she thinks marriage is pointless, the whole changing your name thing is pointless (many cultures agree, ask a Spanish woman or a Quebec resident), that it ties you down, and since it changes nothing about the relationship "why fix what isn't broke".

Cue negative comments about her appearance, wailing that a lack of marriage led to the fall of Rome, and an overwhelming amount of "you'll change your mind" and "she's just a child."

She's sixteen. Old enough to marry in Scotland or in England/Wales/NI with parental permission. Old enough to have sex. She could legally have a baby, making a huge life decision. Yet she's not old enough to decide that marriage is an outdated institution?

You see this a lot.

Want to get married? Course you do! You need to be Mrs John Smith!
Don't want to get married? No one would want you, ugly bitch. You're too young to know, you'll change your mind.

Want children? Course you do! Lots of them! That's your only purpose in life!
Don't want children? You sick freak! You're too young to know, you'll change your mind.

Eight year old has crush on girl? Aw, sweet, he's got a girlfriend! Are you going to marry her, son?
Eight year old boy has crush on boy? He's too young to know he's gay! Stop sexualising children! Don't even mention the gay word and he'll never be corrupted!


You're never too young to fall in line with the straight monogamy and parenthood narrative. Express any contrary desires or opinions thought, and be prepared to be told you're too young to know, abnormal, and, if you're female, ugly.

Comments

[dorothydeath.livejournal.com]

The sad truth. *sigh*
But YAY! Maisie being awesome! :D

[meridian_rose]

Yes, all too true. It's frightening when women post extracts some dating site exchanges which start out as "You're so hot" and the moment they're politely turned down turn into "you're an ugly bitch anyway". Women are viewed as existing solely to fulfil men's ambitions and fantasies.

But yes, Maisie spoke up :) I hope she does continue to feel the same way, and continues to do such great work. She was fantastic in the BBC adaptation of "The Secret of Crickley Hall".

[dorothydeath.livejournal.com]

Ugh, yes, like beauty is all there is to a woman and sexiness is all that matters. Ugh.

I haven't heard of The Secret of Crickley Hall! :D Reading about it on wiki, now I want to watch it! :D Thanks! :D
*HUGS*

[meridian_rose]

Awesome :) TSoCRH is creepy rather than outright scary, but enjoyable and managed to surprise me with the way some of the tropes were handled/resolved. I won't say more, because, spoilers :)

[dorothydeath.livejournal.com]

Yes, spoilers are bad. :D
I'll let you know when I've watched it so maybe we could discuss things more! :D

[meridian_rose]

I think marriage *is* pointless and needs replacing with a legal commitment that has nothing to do with gender or reproduction. Get rid of the entire terminology and the baggage that goes with words like "wife" and the idea of marriage being for making babies! I'm reminded of an article Marriage Equality Is Destroying 'Traditional Marriage,' and Why That's a Good Thing (An Open Letter); it's about breaking down the old structure. It doesn't go far enough for my tastes, but it's a start!

[meredith44]

When I was younger I wanted marriage and children. But apparently I was "too young to know" as I changed my mind. :P

Good for her for speaking out about her opinion.

[meridian_rose]

You only started out following the herd though, and it's easy to understand why. Brainwashing starts early, with baby dolls dressed in pink as suitable toys for young girls. Barbies with wedding dresses. Cartoons where boys think kissing is gross and dream about being president but girls mostly have romantic fantasies about their husbands. It's far braver and more thought out to kick back against the pre-defined gender roles and expectations.
I certainly knew from age 11 (if not earlier) that I didn't want kids and I was terrified it would happen anyway, that it was somehow *inevitable*. Thanks, social brainwashing! I didn't have the internet back then, but thankfully I did have access to the library and a few feminist books that reassured me that marriage and motherhood were optional.
Thing is, I've seen progress and now I see it being lost with pink Lego for girls and attacks on women's rights and gay rights. There's a definite backlash happening, which makes me angry and sad. Every time someone insists a woman will change her mind and marry it's further proof that society still defines women not by their own personalities and achievements but by their "ability" to catch a man :(

[et-tu-lj.livejournal.com]

Good for her. I like her even more now.

For me:
- Got married. Not important to me, but my husband is very insecure and it was a way to make him believe I wasn't going to leave.
- Didn't change my name. No one notices or comments, other than his grandmother who writes the wrong last name on the Xmas check every year.
- DO NOT WANT KIDS. The only person who assumed I'd change my mind eventually is my mom, who gave up asking eventually. At work, people ask if I have kids, but when I say no and I'm not interested, I get about half who agree with me in relief. It's a very supportive environment for either choice, which is refreshing.

[meridian_rose]

:D