Fic: The Wrong Reason
Jul. 7th, 2011 07:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
meridian_roseTitle: The Wrong Reason
Fandom: original fic
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 377
Prompt: For the thirty days of fiction meme prompt #20 Write a scene with the opening line “I hate you; I just want you to know that”
Summary: She has her reasons to hate him - or she thinks she does
Warnings: None
“I hate you; I just want you to know that."
He leaned back in his chair and studied her. She stood ramrod straight, arms akimbo, eyes defiant.
"And why is that, little one?"
She bristled at the appellation, lips curling into a sneer. "You dare ask me that? You know who I am. You know what you did."
He gestured, nonchalant. The gun, snug in the leather holster underneath his expensive jacket, gave him leave to appear carefree and unthreatening. "I know who you are," he conceded. "But what I did? You will have to be more specific."
He watched her chest rise and fall sharply as she tried to contain her emotions. Her eyes were now bright with unshed tears and she dug her fingers into the flesh above her hips, the white cotton blouse creasing under the pressure. The air was heavy in the afternoon heat and tiny beads of sweat had gathered at her cleavage.
"You killed my mother," she said.
He blinked, unprepared for the accusation. It reminded him of a movie he'd seen once while babysitting his niece. You killed my father; prepare to die. The memory made him stir uneasily and move one hand closer to his weapon.
"I assure you I did not," he said.
"Liar."
He shook his head, confused. "I understood it was suicide." Did she think he'd driven her mother to take her own life and so long after she had been the one to leave him? The idea was preposterous.
"No. It was murder. Staged to look like a suicide." She was frowning now. "You did this." Yet the certainty was gone from her voice; she'd probably been expecting proud acknowledgment or outright denial.
He swallowed hard, tasting memories of his past with the only woman he'd ever truly loved. That she didn't love him, that she was dead, these things he had learned to live with. But if she had been killed…
"No," he said. "And now I understand. You want vengeance on the person or persons responsible."
She nodded.
"Then you have come to the right man for the wrong reason," he said. "I would never have harmed your mother. But I will help you find who did. And we will make them pay."
I can't character tag because I didn't name either character; in fact I feel I didn't do a good enough job of scene setting and character description. Maybe that allows a reader to use their own imagination more. I was already way over word count for this one though, so I was reluctant to include more detail. Concrit very welcome.
Fandom: original fic
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 377
Prompt: For the thirty days of fiction meme prompt #20 Write a scene with the opening line “I hate you; I just want you to know that”
Summary: She has her reasons to hate him - or she thinks she does
Warnings: None
“I hate you; I just want you to know that."
He leaned back in his chair and studied her. She stood ramrod straight, arms akimbo, eyes defiant.
"And why is that, little one?"
She bristled at the appellation, lips curling into a sneer. "You dare ask me that? You know who I am. You know what you did."
He gestured, nonchalant. The gun, snug in the leather holster underneath his expensive jacket, gave him leave to appear carefree and unthreatening. "I know who you are," he conceded. "But what I did? You will have to be more specific."
He watched her chest rise and fall sharply as she tried to contain her emotions. Her eyes were now bright with unshed tears and she dug her fingers into the flesh above her hips, the white cotton blouse creasing under the pressure. The air was heavy in the afternoon heat and tiny beads of sweat had gathered at her cleavage.
"You killed my mother," she said.
He blinked, unprepared for the accusation. It reminded him of a movie he'd seen once while babysitting his niece. You killed my father; prepare to die. The memory made him stir uneasily and move one hand closer to his weapon.
"I assure you I did not," he said.
"Liar."
He shook his head, confused. "I understood it was suicide." Did she think he'd driven her mother to take her own life and so long after she had been the one to leave him? The idea was preposterous.
"No. It was murder. Staged to look like a suicide." She was frowning now. "You did this." Yet the certainty was gone from her voice; she'd probably been expecting proud acknowledgment or outright denial.
He swallowed hard, tasting memories of his past with the only woman he'd ever truly loved. That she didn't love him, that she was dead, these things he had learned to live with. But if she had been killed…
"No," he said. "And now I understand. You want vengeance on the person or persons responsible."
She nodded.
"Then you have come to the right man for the wrong reason," he said. "I would never have harmed your mother. But I will help you find who did. And we will make them pay."
I can't character tag because I didn't name either character; in fact I feel I didn't do a good enough job of scene setting and character description. Maybe that allows a reader to use their own imagination more. I was already way over word count for this one though, so I was reluctant to include more detail. Concrit very welcome.
no subject
Date: 2011-07-07 10:37 pm (UTC)One thing I don't get is why she came, though - she tells him she hates him, but does she have any further plan? If she thinks he really killed her mother, isn't it dangerous to be alone with him? He has a gun...or maybe she doesn't really think it, she's just looking for someone to blame.
I just rewatched the Big Sleep, with Humphrey Bogart - this feels like the kind of opening scene he would have, playing the private detective ;)
no subject
Date: 2011-07-08 06:51 am (UTC)Maybe she's armed or more dangerous than she looks - he was glad enough of his gun being close to hand. Maybe she did just want to confront him. Again, I hadn't thought about it too much, writing mostly from his POV. This would be freeform fic, rather than well-planned fic, and it would be easy to accidentally make plot holes of doom.
Ooh, Noir :D Now I wish I'd saved it for the Noir prompt, lol.
no subject
Date: 2011-07-08 09:42 pm (UTC)I totally got that impression. :D For some reason I thought she was a vampire or something (yeah, I'm kinda having a True Blood overdose right now). She just radiates power IMHO. :D
Although maybe she would be circling him already by that point. Like a predator. ;)
Ehm... Am I being creepy? It's 1.30 a.m. where I am and I've had too much coffee so my mind is all messed up. o_O
BTW I really liked the stories =)) Both told and untold. ^_^
no subject
Date: 2011-07-11 04:04 pm (UTC)