Poem: The Gremlin

[meridian_rose]

Title: The Gremlin
Fandom: Original
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 350
Prompt: For the dailyprompt prompt "get out of bed and face the day" and somewhat inspired by the prompt 'vanquishing the enemy within'
Summary: Angst-ridden poem (do I write any other kind?)
Content Notes: No standard warnings apply.


Sometimes it's hard to get out of bed and face the day
Sometimes it seems futile
Look at your life
So pointless
If you were more like other people
You'd be better, somehow
Except you wouldn't
And worse,
You wouldn't be you
(Not that you is always a good thing to be)

And sometimes a cup of tea is healing
And the sun is shining
And you connect with others
Finding ways to bring meaning to their lives
And you can sign petitions
And hand out praise
Or money, or both
And consume and create
And be
(And that's enough)

And sometimes tea doesn't help
And unless you're rich your voice won't be heard
Others tell you this, secure in their own insecurities
No matter how many petitions you sign
Or how much small change you can spare
And why should anyone care if you praise them
If you're worthless, so are your words
It's all useless
Like you
(So says the gremlin)

And even if you can have those days of sun
Of finding joy
There are the empty days
The days when the gremlin relinquishes the shadows
And sits on your shoulder
Pouring doubt into your ear with its fetid breath
Whispering of your utter ineffectiveness in this world
And even if you find people you think
Can help drive the gremlin away
They'll leave you too
Devoured by their own gremlins
The world is a terrible place
(Until it isn't)

You can whack the gremlin with a broom
But it's a part of you
And can never be fully conquered
Not with hate or love
Just ignored – some of the time
And you can't make it rain
Or make the sun come out
Or whistle up a wind to blow away
The bleak thoughts
For even if such magic exists
When you need it most
You know are unworthy of it
(And help the gremlin latch the gate against it)

In the end it seems that you'll always be alone
Except you won't be
Because the gremlin will never leave
(And isn't that the worst of all?)

Comments

[brontefanatic]

This hits so close to home that I find it hard to find words, except that you've caught the highs and lows of the inner emotional roller coaster so perfectly.

Gremlin is a very apt term for that hideous voice that tries to convince us that we are worthless and don't matter. Others might call it an inner demon, I suppose. Of course, it's just part of ourselves.

But your words, your efforts, your praise and your life matter so much - you have influenced and helped far more people than you know.