Asexual Erasure & Insults

Rarely does a week go by without my seeing an article that talks about sex, and how someone is not happy they are not getting enough of it. Regardless of the tone of the article however, there is the horror of the comment section.

There'll be some sensible comments.

There'll also be hordes of apparently sex-mad commentators who are keen to insist that there is no pleasure compared to that of using someone else's body to gratify your needs. That someone who isn't being fucked isn't worthy of existing, let alone being in a relationship.

If someone isn't having sex with you? Dump them. You've been together five years? Still dump them. You really love them and you've got a child together? Dump them anyway.

This week it's this article, in the Guardian
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This article was originally posted to my WordPress account: https://lmdee.wordpress.com/2016/01/25/asexual-erasure-insults/

I'll add here that while I am more angry than sad, it's not the best start to a Monday to be told your sole purpose in life is to be someone's fucktoy.

I'm currently working on a polyamory fic, which may never be finished. A is having sex with B sometimes. B has just started having sex with C. A has feelings for C, but C can't reciprocate sexually but comes to the conclusion they are bi-romantic and can reciprocate romantically. OT3-ever-after.

And while it's still important to me that this happens, that the conversation that sex is not the sole, not the "ultimate" expression of affection, in many ways I'm preaching to the choir. The people reading fanfic, in particular slash fic and polyamory, and original queer fiction are already more likely onboard with this idea. Not everyone, but a larger percentage of the audience than that of a general newspaper. The people who most need to learn that gender and sex and sexuality are not nearly so black and white as they'd like to think will avoid anything that threatens their comfortable worldview.