Fun Quotes

selected from Quotations #8: Miscellaneous Malapropisms 

http://theotherpages.org/quote-08.html

Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel. Handel ws half German, half English, and half Italian. He was very large. - from Student Bloopers
A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water then forcing it through an aviator. - from Kids Say the Darndest Things
Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. - from Student Bloopers
Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer. - Leo Rosten
The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. - from Student Bloopers
Female moths are called myths.
Finally, the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis. - from Student Bloopers
Fine furniture at reasonable prices: antique, colonial, and temporary. - Leo Rosten
The government of Athens was democratic because people took the law into their own hands. - from Student Bloopers
Having one wife is called monotony.
Henry VIII found walking difficult because he had an abbess on his knee. - from Student Bloopers
He wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't bear children. - from Student Bloopers
In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah. Kids Say the Darndest Things
It's like finding a haystack full of needles. - Leo Rosten
The jury's verdict showed they were of one mind: temporarily insane. - Leo Rosten
Magna Carta provided that no free men should be hanged twice for the same offense. - from Student Bloopers
Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. – from Student Bloopers
Mr. and Mrs. Oliver Sloane request your presents at the marriage of their daughter...
There were only three other people in the restaurant, and half of them were waiters.
To collect sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
A virgin forest is a forest where the hand of man has never set foot. - from Kids Say the Darndest Things
The walls of medeival cathedrals were supported by fling buttocks.
Water is composed of two gins. Oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water. - from Kids Say the Darndest Things