fic: Not So Sparkling
Aug. 14th, 2011 12:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
meridian_roseTitle: Not So Sparkling
Fandom: Original Fic
Rating: Teen
Word Count: 493
Prompt: For the 30 days of fiction meme prompt #26 Write a personalized rejection letter for the YA novel “Sparkle Lust”
Summary: These words do not mean what you think they mean. Also, they're spelt incorrectly. Also, your novel is dire but I'm trying to be polite while saying so.
Warnings/Content: Innuendo and mentions of scenes featuring sex. Crack.
Out There Fantasy Publishing
Rushmore Street
Kent
To: Ms Krystalle Katana Irmhild Kingheart-Blood, re: Sparkle Lust
Dear Ms Kingheart-Blood
Thank you for your recent submission, 'Sparkle Lust'. However we find it unsuitable for our imprint. We are a small publishing house and pride ourselves on finding new talent and nurturing our authors, and so I shall endeavour to give you some constructive criticism.
First; you are entitled to publish a novel under any penname you desire. However for legal purposes we must have your real name attached to any future submissions. If this is indeed your real name, I apologise profusely.
Secondly; on the subject of names, I have several concerns. One of the characters shares your first name; Krystalle D'Rik. Her best friend is also named Crystal Phransis, and I feel this leads to confusion – not only on the part of the reader, but for yourself. During one scene, your hero began by kissing Krytalle but ended up telling Crystal he loved her.
Furthermore, despite the unusual nature of the names of the characters, the land in which they live is called Spartacus. This is an odd choice, not in keeping with the overall nomenclature, and has connotations that have nothing in common with the land itself.
Thirdly; your novel suffers from a number of inconsistencies. For example, your hero, Darehl Steffunnie, is a described at the start of the book as being 'tall, blond, and broad' but later the Dragon Witch describes him as 'average height, with long dark hair and muscular but skinny'. Near the end of the novel, Krystalle says the prophecy was right in that she would marry a 'tall, dark man with long hair', even though during the battle with the Dragon Witch just a few days before, Darehl's hair had been cut short by a swipe of her claws.
I also recommend you invest in a good dictionary and double check the definitions of words like hair/hare to be sure you are using the correct ones. The scene where Crystal lovingly brushes her flowing golden hare and styles it in a flattering way was unintentionally hilarious. Also 'barren', 'tepid', and 'frigid' have rather different meanings to those you seem to think they have, given the context in which you have used them.
Finally, and this alone would have been reason enough for rejection, Sparkle Lust is described as a 'coming-of-age' fantasy tale of love and unicorns. The novel itself contains a number of unsuitably explicit sexual scenes, most notably when the characters transform into unicorns and use their symbolically phallic horns as actual phalluses. The scenes are eye-wateringly violent and the image of sparkly dust released from the unicorn's mouths upon orgasm is highly disturbing, especially when it 'settled upon all the meadow, the trees, the flours [sic], the mouse scurrying, bringing a glow of fertility to the baron [sic] land.'
Out There Publishing wishes you all the best in your future endeavours
Sincerely
Jane Folsense
Editor
Fandom: Original Fic
Rating: Teen
Word Count: 493
Prompt: For the 30 days of fiction meme prompt #26 Write a personalized rejection letter for the YA novel “Sparkle Lust”
Summary: These words do not mean what you think they mean. Also, they're spelt incorrectly. Also, your novel is dire but I'm trying to be polite while saying so.
Warnings/Content: Innuendo and mentions of scenes featuring sex. Crack.
Out There Fantasy Publishing
Rushmore Street
Kent
To: Ms Krystalle Katana Irmhild Kingheart-Blood, re: Sparkle Lust
Dear Ms Kingheart-Blood
Thank you for your recent submission, 'Sparkle Lust'. However we find it unsuitable for our imprint. We are a small publishing house and pride ourselves on finding new talent and nurturing our authors, and so I shall endeavour to give you some constructive criticism.
First; you are entitled to publish a novel under any penname you desire. However for legal purposes we must have your real name attached to any future submissions. If this is indeed your real name, I apologise profusely.
Secondly; on the subject of names, I have several concerns. One of the characters shares your first name; Krystalle D'Rik. Her best friend is also named Crystal Phransis, and I feel this leads to confusion – not only on the part of the reader, but for yourself. During one scene, your hero began by kissing Krytalle but ended up telling Crystal he loved her.
Furthermore, despite the unusual nature of the names of the characters, the land in which they live is called Spartacus. This is an odd choice, not in keeping with the overall nomenclature, and has connotations that have nothing in common with the land itself.
Thirdly; your novel suffers from a number of inconsistencies. For example, your hero, Darehl Steffunnie, is a described at the start of the book as being 'tall, blond, and broad' but later the Dragon Witch describes him as 'average height, with long dark hair and muscular but skinny'. Near the end of the novel, Krystalle says the prophecy was right in that she would marry a 'tall, dark man with long hair', even though during the battle with the Dragon Witch just a few days before, Darehl's hair had been cut short by a swipe of her claws.
I also recommend you invest in a good dictionary and double check the definitions of words like hair/hare to be sure you are using the correct ones. The scene where Crystal lovingly brushes her flowing golden hare and styles it in a flattering way was unintentionally hilarious. Also 'barren', 'tepid', and 'frigid' have rather different meanings to those you seem to think they have, given the context in which you have used them.
Finally, and this alone would have been reason enough for rejection, Sparkle Lust is described as a 'coming-of-age' fantasy tale of love and unicorns. The novel itself contains a number of unsuitably explicit sexual scenes, most notably when the characters transform into unicorns and use their symbolically phallic horns as actual phalluses. The scenes are eye-wateringly violent and the image of sparkly dust released from the unicorn's mouths upon orgasm is highly disturbing, especially when it 'settled upon all the meadow, the trees, the flours [sic], the mouse scurrying, bringing a glow of fertility to the baron [sic] land.'
Out There Publishing wishes you all the best in your future endeavours
Sincerely
Jane Folsense
Editor
