meridian_rose

I'm going to talk about asexuality and masturbation, but first of all, in today's post I want to talk about masturbation on its own merits.

"I think it’s weird that teenage girls know more about giving blowjobs than they do about masturbation. It makes me sick to my stomach that so many young girls think sex is just about a guy finishing." - x

Think about how prevalent sex is in the media. It's almost always framed as heterosexual penetrative sex. There might be occasional nods to queer sexualities, but in general sex is presented as the most important part of a male/female relationship.

Masturbation however, is seen, or addressed, infrequently, and is often the subject of ridicule. The terms "wanker" and "tosser" are meant as insults to a man who must resort to self-pleasure instead of asserting his masculinity by penetrating a woman. The term "self-abuse" is utterly disapproving, while Onanism refers to the Biblical story, much quoted by opponents of masturbation, of the man who deliberately spilled his seed upon the ground. (Critics point out it was the failure to impregnate his late brother's wife that was the crime/sin and not the masturbation itself. Also this clearly doesn't apply to women.)

Furthermore, Joycelyn Elders was forced to resign as Surgeon General merely for agreeing that masturbation be promoted as an alternative to riskier forms of sexual activity:
“I think it is something that is part of human sexuality and a part of something that perhaps should be taught” x

That Elders was a black female, and not a white man, who dared to acknowledge masturbation as anything other than reviled surely played a part. Regardless, her bravery and subsequent punishment did not go unnoticed. It is partly in her honour, and partly as a defiant defence of masturbation - surely a part of human sexuality we should not be ignoring or disgusted by - that the month of March has since been celebrated by many as the "Merry Month of Masturbation" and used for awareness raising, story telling, fic writing, etc.

All of this does not mean that masturbation never occurs onscreen, merely that it is severely under-represented when compared to other sexual acts. Citing their "10 Favorite Masturbation Scenes From TV And Film", Ashley Reese points out that:

Masturbation is still a pretty taboo subject, especially female masturbation–are you clutching your pearls yet? I suppose that its rarity and illicit reputation explains why there is something fascinating about watching it on screen. Its deviant status and its solitary nature makes us feel as if we’re viewing something private and incredibly intimate in a way that just isn’t as evident when watching a sex scene these days because we’ve become so desensitized to them. It’s like a secret being unveiled before our eyes. There’s no posturing or desperate attempts to impress or please a partner. It’s a raw and honest act complete with unsexy faces. - x

There's also this article about the hypocrisy of censoring masturbation but not sex scenes:

the idea that masturbation is somehow dirtier and more outrageous than full-on sex is absurd. (That EW post suggests that the version censored for air means that parents won’t have to have “awkward conversations” with their kids while watching Reign together. Because watching a teenager get it on with the King of France is not at all an awkward way to spend an evening with your mom and dad!)
Maybe it speaks to how desensitized we are by now to two-person sex scenes. Or maybe it says something about the nature of what really shocks people in a depiction of sex. In a self-pleasuring scene, after all, the focus is on the pleasure and not the display of flesh. It’s graphic in a sensual rather than visual way, and that depiction of enjoyment–raw, primal, without attachment to a relationship–is, oddly, more shocking to people than two stylized bodies wrestling in a bed. - x

Both of those articles speak about the uniqueness of masturbation as opposed to sexual scenes with a partner: honesty, rawness, pleasure, sensuality. The focus is on pleasure for it's own sake. It's not about courtship or power plays. It's about the character unashamedly revelling in their own body, their own pleasure. It's a terrible thing, then, that this is so shocking, more shocking than a scene of violent rape.

It's also true that masturbation has some friendlier terms such as "spanking the monkey", though there are nothing like as many terms for female masturbation. On one hand, male masturbation is both more looked down upon (failure to bed a woman), yet simultaneously acknowledged by the plethora of euphemisms for it. On the other hand, a woman buying a sex toy – especially a phallic vibrator, still acknowledging the importance of a potentially penetrative tool – can be held up as sex positive, daring, experimental; a man buying a sex toy is usually labelled as creepy. Gender politics, as always, make things even more complicated than a purely partner sex vs masturbation discussion.

Why is masturbation so looked down on? I've mentioned the idea of emasculation and there's also the religiously motivated belief that sex for anything other than reproduction is a sin.

[masturbation is] a sin. Here’s why: Sex is meant to be a loving communication between two people in marriage — it says “I give myself (body, heart, mind and soul) to you forever and completely.” When masturbating, with whom are you communicating? No one. Masturbation is entirely focused on one's own sexual pleasure, a selfish drive to be personally satisfied. Sex should never be a lonely or selfish activity.
God did not create sex for you to have it with yourself. - x

For many religions and their followers, pleasure must always come with a cost; for a female this might be submitting to sex she doesn't want that her husband is supposedly "entitled" to, along with the risk of unwanted, potentially dangerous, pregnancy.
Historically, there are other reasons for the denouncing of masturbation:

During the 18th, 19th, and 20th century in Europe and America, masturbation was believed to be a debilitating wastes on energy that could result in exhaustion, impotence, insanity, epilepsy, etc. People obsessed over ways to prevent and treat the destructive urge. - x

Kellogg even developed his famous cornflakes especially to combat the urge! Myths have persisted ever since;

myths so ridiculous it’s a wonder anyone believes them.
They include: masturbation causes blindness and insanity; masturbation can make sexual organs fall off; and masturbation causes infertility. x

Science has since moved on; alas, is so often the case, beliefs have not.

However masturbation is finally beginning to be recognised as being "normal" and indeed as having many benefits.

Dangerous? Scandalous? Hardly! In fact, the beneficial effects of male masturbation might soon be formally recognized, while the same has not really been studied for women.x

Once again, men, men's health, men's pleasure is prioritised. We really ought not to be surprised, but it's still a depressing fact that female bodies and feminine pleasure is a secondary consideration. Something that is mentioned specifically by another article praising masturbation and refuting the arguments against it:

The second justification has to do with sanctity of life, and bears an affinity to Catholic arguments around birth control and abortion. It reflects a concern that if people are too callous about masturbation and the life-giving nature of semen, this will desensitize them in their reverence for life. The most obvious response is that only a man could think up something like this and forget to exempt women. Nothing is lost if a woman masturbates, and the world is probably richer for the pleasure she experiences. As for men, see my comment above about the tiny spermatozoa factories that dangle between our legs. Again, nothing is lost and the world is probably richer for the pleasure we experience.
The “reverence for life” justification should be turned on its head. The best way we can express our reverence for life is through the experience of pleasure and the celebration of our bodies. Joy is a virtue – not the furtive secretive pleasure of a sensation we’ve been duped into feeing guilty about, but the full-on delicious unabashed joy that comes from savouring the experience of embodiment.
I also believe it’s possible to move by analogy to a global experience of joy in embodiment. The Romantic poets knew this intuitively when they expressed their rapture at beauty in the natural world. But we’ve lost that feeling. The attitude that finds in embodiment “pollution” or “self-abuse” has, in its orientation to the world at large – to Gaia – taken literally the notion of “pollution” and “self-abuse.” Gaia has offered up stolen pleasures and we’ve thrown back land-fill dump sites, and toxic aquifers, and an atmosphere overloaded with carbon dioxide. If we cultivated that full-on delicious unabashed joy, we might find ourselves celebrating our global embodiment in ways that are healthier.
To put it bluntly: masturbate; it’s good for you; and it’s good for the world. - x

Despite the stigma, even without benefits being touted, masturbation is a prevalent practice: 94% of men admit to masturbating, as do 85% of women x.

In his book, "In Praise of Masturbation", Brenot writes that "It is time to liberate us from this taboo, and realise that this practise is the least invasive and is harmless compared to all other sexual habits." But masturbation is more than harmless. It actually has recognised benefits.

prevent cervical infections and urinary tract infections through the process of “tenting,” or the opening of the cervix that occurs as part of the arousal process.
Tenting stretches the cervix, and thus the cervical mucous. This enables fluid circulation, allowing cervical fluids full of bacteria to be flushed out.
Masturbation can lower risk of type-2 diabetes (though this association may also be explained by greater overall health), reduce insomnia through hormonal and tension release, and increase pelvic floor strength through the contractions that happen during orgasm.
For men, masturbation helps reduce risk of prostate cancer, probably by giving the prostate a chance to flush out potential cancer-causing agents.
Masturbation also improves immune functioning by increasing cortisol levels, which can regulate immune functioning in small doses. It also reduces depression by increasing the amount of endorphins in the bloodstream.
Masturbation can also indirectly prevent infertility by protecting people from sexually transmitted infections (STIs) that can lead to infertility – you can’t give yourself one of these infections!
There is one final benefit to masturbation: it’s the most convenient method for maximising orgasms.
And there are plenty of additional benefits from orgasms generally, including reduced stress, reduced blood pressure, increased self-esteem, and reduced pain. x