Fic: A Day At The Beach
Oct. 23rd, 2013 11:37 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
meridian_roseTitle: A Day At The Beach
Fandom: Original
'Verse/Series: Kat (High Queen)
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2783
Summary: A quiet day at the beach. I've been working on this for a while but I decided to finish it up and post it as part of my planned fics touching on attitudes to sex and relationships (tagged orig fic theme: caras)
Content Notes: No standard warnings apply.
Author Notes:: The timing isn't fixed, though it's probably around the Summer Solstice; this takes place after Caitir (not yet written/posted) and Larae has joined the Tour, working mostly with Sorleigh (he heads up the advance/support squad that supports the tour group). It's before Vellesca.
Index Page for this series: DW/ LJ
It was almost the Summer Solstice and the sun was high in the sky, so when they crested the hill, Kat's first sight of the wide ocean was one of a million sparkling diamonds dancing on the waves.
"Isn't it beautiful?" Ryan enthused. "The beach here is quite small but very flat, very safe. My brother said there's only this single path here, and it's a bit steep that's why most people don't come here, I think." He urged his mount forward.
"Kat?" Honor asked. He was trying to keep his tone neutral but she caught the undertone of concern.
"I don't hate the ocean," she assured him, "any more than I could hate forests if a falling tree had killed my mother." Still, she did somewhat fear the great water.
So, while Sorleigh posted a few guards at the top of the hill, and sent others to scout onwards, the Tour group made their way carefully down to the sand below the rugged cliffs. Kat's boots sank into the soft sand as she dismounted.
Ryan, first onto the beach, had already stripped off his shirt. "I'm going for a swim." He nodded at Cal. "Coming?"
"Maybe later." Cal shared Kat's distrust of any body of water that was more than knee-deep. For her part, Tara was glaring at the waves as if their constant intrusion onto the sand was meant as a personal insult.
Ryan glanced at the water, around the beach, and then squinted up at the sky. "The tide is going out," he said. "You'll see part of the dragon's spine I think, before it comes back in."
Riku busied herself removing the saddle from her horse and Barton began to follow suit for the other mounts. "They'll enjoy a wade in the water to cool their flanks," Riku said, rubbing the nose of her horse affectionately. This cove left nowhere for the horses to run to, so Kat was content for them to have their harnesses removed too.
"They can't drink the seawater," Honor told her. Riku nodded calmly at this unnecessary assertion.
"There's a stream that drips down the cliff," she said, pointing it out. "They can drink from the pool in the rocks there, above the tide line."
Ryan dashed off into the waves, giving a yelp of surprise at the water temperature. The others watched with varying degrees of admiration and concern.
Honor shrugged off his outer garments and Kat did the same, not caring what Barton thought of a queen wandering around in her chemise. She pulled off her boots and giggled at the feel of the sand between her toes. She chose a suitable spot, laid out her bedroll and stretched out on it, basking in the warmth of the sun like a proud lizard. Honor sat at her side, tracing patterns in the sand with one fingertip.
Glashaven probably had a beach like this, Kat thought, before it was lost beneath the waves. Whole kingdoms had been swallowed up by the Inundation. She suppressed a shiver. Despite – or in some cases because – of the destruction, plenty of cultures and beliefs honoured or worshipped the ocean in some way; The Lady of the Waves was an aspect of Honor's goddess, but the Sea Queen, Lord of the Tides, and the Great Water, were just a few of the other deities from various faiths that Kat knew of.
She thought Ryan's people must honour the sea since they were fisherfolk. She'd find out soon enough. The Tour was almost at Deversham and she was looking forward to meeting his kin. Right now she was content to relax in the sun.
Tara gave a squeal when Cal decided she needed a piece of seaweed down the back of her tunic. Kat let them fight until Tara had him pinned down on the sand, threatening to make him eat the slimy plant, before she intervened.
"It's edible anyway," Cal taunted, when Tara let him up. He brushed ineffectively at the sand clinging to his clothes, and finally decided to strip down too, shaking off his garments as he removed each one.
Barton had found himself a rock to sit on, and was taking the time to polish his weapons. Meanwhile Ryan had returned from his swim and was demonstrating that, like mud or snow, damp sand could be made into shapes. Kat went over to inspect his progress and decided the sand fortress needed some decoration. She took Honor's hand and dragged him to his feet. They wandered along at the edge of the shoreline, collecting shells, stones, and driftwood.
"This is nice. Nicer than yet another field." Before he could tell her that she'd brought rough sleeping on herself she added, "I know, I know, there'll be more fields and forests and inns before the end of the Tour and it's my own fault for not bringing more tents and so on."
Honor didn't seem about to criticise though. He looked thoughtfully at the cliffs, ignoring her ramblings. "I was thinking it's secure."
Always the practical one. He was right of course. There was the only the well guarded single track down to the beach, so unless there was going to be an invasion from the sea they were very safe.
"We could stay the night?" Kat thought he'd relax more here than when they were camping in a field or forest - maybe even more than in some of the inns and castles after what happened at Caitir.
Honor nodded. "We could make a fire if we can find enough wood. Cook some food."
Kat smiled. "I'd like that." She picked up a tiny spiral shell with a small hole in it. "This would look lovely on a chain."
"A poor woman's jewel," Honor said, quoting a play or poem rather giving his opinion. Kat shrugged. A larger wave splashed her and she gave a shriek of surprise. Honor laughed and she glared at him before bending down to damp her fingers and then attacking him, dabbing salt water onto his nose. He fended her off half-heartedly and soon they were both laughing and Kat felt the weight of queenship lift. They were as children again, playing, and carefree, and nothing bad could ever interrupt this joy.
When they later headed back to the group, still rather damp, and with their shoreline treasures gathered up in Kat's underskirt, Ryan had collected a large pile shells too – but these were still inhabited. "Mussels, clams," Ryan explained. "You can cook them."
Kat gave him a look of disdain and he laughed. "When you grow up next to the sea, you eat all sorts of her bounty. Perhaps I can catch a crab or a lobster if that's more to your taste, Your Majesty?"
"I'd prefer fish," she said and Ryan promised to do his best. They ate from their rations, saving the seafood for later.
Eventually, Ryan coaxed Tara into the sea. She was, for a landlocked citizen, a decent swimmer, and once they were past the breaking waves, she began to gain her confidence. Ryan dipped and dove like a seal, swimming with very little effort. Kat thought she'd rather stick to paddling. When Tara came back to shore, Cal, buoyed by her success, took Ryan's hand and they waded out further than Kat expected him to, standing chest high in the ocean for several minutes.
"Do you think love makes you brave?" she asked Honor, watching Ryan run sea-slicked fingers through Cal's hair when they finally came back to the beach.
"And foolish, alike." Honor glanced up at the sun. "How far do you suppose the tide comes in?" When he repeated the question to Ryan when he caught his attention, he received a brief lecture on tides and shorelines and was at last assured they'd be safe at their current position. Kat always found it amusing for Honor to be naïve on a subject, but Honor wasn't in the least put out by admitting his ignorance. He listened intently to Ryan, clearly filing the information away for later reference.
Larae joined them when the sun was noticeably lower in the sky, and admired the sand castle, replete with shells and other ornamentation. She'd never seen the Citadel, and Honor interrupted when Cal tried to tell Larae that the sand castle was an exact replica. For one thing, the real thing had more towers. For another, Tara added, none of the towers were crooked and crumbling.
Larae squinted in the sunlight. "How long will you be staying here, Majesty?"
Kat shrugged. "I'm not ready to leave yet. I think we'll stay the night."
At Kat's insistence, Larae returned to join them on the beach after taking the message to Sorleigh. Ryan took a net from his luggage and waded back out into the waves. He did, as promised, catch some fish.
Everyone pitched in to gather wood and kindling for a fire. Tara and Riku dug out a firepit and lined it with stones and wood and tufts of grass plucked from the cliff face. They soon got a fire started long before it was dark. Barton went back to the top of the cliffs and brought down some larger branches to keep the fire going.
By nightfall the fish and other edibles that had been caught or provided from the stores had been cooked and distributed. Everyone seemed relaxed as the stars began to show in the darkening sky.
Ryan rolled up a bundle of herbs into some thin leaves and got the resulting smoke alight. He took a long drag and blew a cloud of scented vapour up into the air. He offered the cigarillo to Cal who shook his head.
"Gives me a worse hangover than any amount of wine," he said.
Tara did accept however. She took three long drags, exhaling deeply after each. "That's enough," she said, handing it back to Ryan. "I don't want to get too intoxicated."
Ryan took another drag and decided to make a second cigarillo for sharing while he kept hold of the first. Riku took one drag of the second smoke before she offered it around.
To Kat's mild surprise, Honor also accepted the smoke. She was pleased, for clearly he did feel they were safe here, if he was allowing himself this indulgence.
He lay back on one elbow, savouring every mouthful for a few minutes. Riku moved a little way from the group and knelt facing the water, head bowed in prayer or meditation.
The moon rose and Cal pointed out the constellations to Ryan, who laughed and told him alternate names for two of the stars. Kat took just one puff of the smoke when Honor relinquished it to her, and then she handed it to Larae who gazed at it as if it were something alien.
"You smoke it," Kat explained unnecessarily. "It might make you cough if you've never tried it before. It's made of certain plants that make you feel relaxed. Happy." She guessed there'd been no or little smoking back in Caitir, home of temperance and propriety.
Ryan gave Larae some more helpful instructions. She managed a quick inhalation, and coughed. She smiled though as Ryan took the cigarillo from her and offered it around again. Even Barton took two long drags and declared it a decent blend.
The smell of the herbs was not unpleasant, especially mingled amongst the other scents of sea breeze, recent cooking, bonfire, and horses. The roar of the waves was soothingly repetitive and Kat gave a deep sigh of contentment. Honor moved to lie at her feet, his head in her lap. She ran one hand over his hair.
"Perhaps we should forget the rest of the Tour. We could stay here. Go back in a week, or a month," she said softly. She didn't mean it, deep down, but part of her felt exactly this way. She was homesick already, and there'd been so many incidents in these early weeks that she was disheartened to think what might befall them next. Mostly she wanted to hold onto this feeling of peace, and Honor guessed as such.
"You can't make moments last." Honor closed his eyes. "Just enjoy it while you can. Remember it later when you're feeling sad. Like a…an amulet."
Kat took one of his hands in hers. "I will try."
He nodded in satisfaction. "I love you," he said. He opened his eyes, pupils wide from the potent herbs. "I know, Kat. I know I can never marry you. That's all right. I still love you. Even though we've never…if we never."
"Honor." It wasn't that she didn't want sexual intimacy with him. It was that it was horribly unwise to even think of it, for so many reasons. She glanced around but no-one else seemed to be listening.
He shook his head. "No, let me finish. I cannot love you more than I already do. So if we never have sex, that's all right. I'm not waiting for it, or expecting it. It wouldn't change how I feel anyway. It couldn't. I love you, and I don't know how to say it any better than that. Words are…inadequate. You're everything to me."
"That's the smoke talking." It wasn't, of course. Intoxication only loosened tongues, it didn't change the feelings behind the words.
Her words displeased Honor and he frowned. "You doubt I love you?"
"Never." She couldn't easily bend down to kiss him, so instead she lifted his hand and pressed it to her lips. "It's just that if we were other people, maybe I could be with you as you want. As you deserve."
Would she still love him, if they were other people? Would they be the same, feel the same? Without the rock solid excuse of her royalty would she risk their friendship? She didn't want marriage or children regardless of her royal status, though Honor, devoted to the Lady, would always respect that. He might however push for more acknowledgement of their relationship, would want to move the boundaries.
For herself, she wondered if she would still keep him at a distance. She knew that Honor valued sex as a deeper commitment than she did and she couldn't bring herself to cross the line if she couldn't follow through on that promise. She didn't think monogamy would ever suit her. She also treated her sexual partners as friends or distractions – dalliances, as Cal always put it – but not as family, not as prospective lifelong partners, and part of that was because she couldn't afford to risk the throne. If she were not a royal, would she still keep herself closed off from them? Honor deserved better than that. He was already family though; and he was right that sex couldn't bring them much closer. What worried Kat was that it could push them apart.
It was all pointless to consider anyway. She was born royal. She could never know for certain what life would be like if she'd been born a commoner.
He squeezed her hand. "Then you would not have what you deserve. To be High Queen."
"Perhaps it would be worth it." The words tasted of deceit and if he were sober, Honor would notice and call her on it. Even now he protested.
"No." He pulled her hand back to his mouth, nipping at her thumb. "It would not. Just tell me you love me, if you do. That is enough."
"You know I do." Coward, she told herself. Say it. You say it to Cal. Yet that was not the same and always under different circumstances. Honor was right. Words were not enough. They meant too many things and not enough things and were imprecise. Besides, the curse, and the prophecy, and the tale of Catriona and other women who'd lost their beloved soul mates all haunted her thoughts. It might be tempting fate to say the words aloud.
But her faint-hearted admission was enough for Honor, who was sleeping when she next glanced down. Without anger or anxiety, his features were softer, younger, even. If he were a priest and not her vice-regent he might have such serenity more often. She used her free hand to stroke his cheek, biting her lip when the touch caused him to shift in her lap.
She'd have to wake him later, or try to slip out from under him without disturbing him, so she could lie down and sleep. For the moment though she gave him what he so often gave her. A moment of shelter, of protection, of trust. A chance to be utterly relaxed and sleep in assured safety.
Fandom: Original
'Verse/Series: Kat (High Queen)
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2783
Summary: A quiet day at the beach. I've been working on this for a while but I decided to finish it up and post it as part of my planned fics touching on attitudes to sex and relationships (tagged orig fic theme: caras)
Content Notes: No standard warnings apply.
Author Notes:: The timing isn't fixed, though it's probably around the Summer Solstice; this takes place after Caitir (not yet written/posted) and Larae has joined the Tour, working mostly with Sorleigh (he heads up the advance/support squad that supports the tour group). It's before Vellesca.
Index Page for this series: DW/ LJ
It was almost the Summer Solstice and the sun was high in the sky, so when they crested the hill, Kat's first sight of the wide ocean was one of a million sparkling diamonds dancing on the waves.
"Isn't it beautiful?" Ryan enthused. "The beach here is quite small but very flat, very safe. My brother said there's only this single path here, and it's a bit steep that's why most people don't come here, I think." He urged his mount forward.
"Kat?" Honor asked. He was trying to keep his tone neutral but she caught the undertone of concern.
"I don't hate the ocean," she assured him, "any more than I could hate forests if a falling tree had killed my mother." Still, she did somewhat fear the great water.
So, while Sorleigh posted a few guards at the top of the hill, and sent others to scout onwards, the Tour group made their way carefully down to the sand below the rugged cliffs. Kat's boots sank into the soft sand as she dismounted.
Ryan, first onto the beach, had already stripped off his shirt. "I'm going for a swim." He nodded at Cal. "Coming?"
"Maybe later." Cal shared Kat's distrust of any body of water that was more than knee-deep. For her part, Tara was glaring at the waves as if their constant intrusion onto the sand was meant as a personal insult.
Ryan glanced at the water, around the beach, and then squinted up at the sky. "The tide is going out," he said. "You'll see part of the dragon's spine I think, before it comes back in."
Riku busied herself removing the saddle from her horse and Barton began to follow suit for the other mounts. "They'll enjoy a wade in the water to cool their flanks," Riku said, rubbing the nose of her horse affectionately. This cove left nowhere for the horses to run to, so Kat was content for them to have their harnesses removed too.
"They can't drink the seawater," Honor told her. Riku nodded calmly at this unnecessary assertion.
"There's a stream that drips down the cliff," she said, pointing it out. "They can drink from the pool in the rocks there, above the tide line."
Ryan dashed off into the waves, giving a yelp of surprise at the water temperature. The others watched with varying degrees of admiration and concern.
Honor shrugged off his outer garments and Kat did the same, not caring what Barton thought of a queen wandering around in her chemise. She pulled off her boots and giggled at the feel of the sand between her toes. She chose a suitable spot, laid out her bedroll and stretched out on it, basking in the warmth of the sun like a proud lizard. Honor sat at her side, tracing patterns in the sand with one fingertip.
Glashaven probably had a beach like this, Kat thought, before it was lost beneath the waves. Whole kingdoms had been swallowed up by the Inundation. She suppressed a shiver. Despite – or in some cases because – of the destruction, plenty of cultures and beliefs honoured or worshipped the ocean in some way; The Lady of the Waves was an aspect of Honor's goddess, but the Sea Queen, Lord of the Tides, and the Great Water, were just a few of the other deities from various faiths that Kat knew of.
She thought Ryan's people must honour the sea since they were fisherfolk. She'd find out soon enough. The Tour was almost at Deversham and she was looking forward to meeting his kin. Right now she was content to relax in the sun.
Tara gave a squeal when Cal decided she needed a piece of seaweed down the back of her tunic. Kat let them fight until Tara had him pinned down on the sand, threatening to make him eat the slimy plant, before she intervened.
"It's edible anyway," Cal taunted, when Tara let him up. He brushed ineffectively at the sand clinging to his clothes, and finally decided to strip down too, shaking off his garments as he removed each one.
Barton had found himself a rock to sit on, and was taking the time to polish his weapons. Meanwhile Ryan had returned from his swim and was demonstrating that, like mud or snow, damp sand could be made into shapes. Kat went over to inspect his progress and decided the sand fortress needed some decoration. She took Honor's hand and dragged him to his feet. They wandered along at the edge of the shoreline, collecting shells, stones, and driftwood.
"This is nice. Nicer than yet another field." Before he could tell her that she'd brought rough sleeping on herself she added, "I know, I know, there'll be more fields and forests and inns before the end of the Tour and it's my own fault for not bringing more tents and so on."
Honor didn't seem about to criticise though. He looked thoughtfully at the cliffs, ignoring her ramblings. "I was thinking it's secure."
Always the practical one. He was right of course. There was the only the well guarded single track down to the beach, so unless there was going to be an invasion from the sea they were very safe.
"We could stay the night?" Kat thought he'd relax more here than when they were camping in a field or forest - maybe even more than in some of the inns and castles after what happened at Caitir.
Honor nodded. "We could make a fire if we can find enough wood. Cook some food."
Kat smiled. "I'd like that." She picked up a tiny spiral shell with a small hole in it. "This would look lovely on a chain."
"A poor woman's jewel," Honor said, quoting a play or poem rather giving his opinion. Kat shrugged. A larger wave splashed her and she gave a shriek of surprise. Honor laughed and she glared at him before bending down to damp her fingers and then attacking him, dabbing salt water onto his nose. He fended her off half-heartedly and soon they were both laughing and Kat felt the weight of queenship lift. They were as children again, playing, and carefree, and nothing bad could ever interrupt this joy.
When they later headed back to the group, still rather damp, and with their shoreline treasures gathered up in Kat's underskirt, Ryan had collected a large pile shells too – but these were still inhabited. "Mussels, clams," Ryan explained. "You can cook them."
Kat gave him a look of disdain and he laughed. "When you grow up next to the sea, you eat all sorts of her bounty. Perhaps I can catch a crab or a lobster if that's more to your taste, Your Majesty?"
"I'd prefer fish," she said and Ryan promised to do his best. They ate from their rations, saving the seafood for later.
Eventually, Ryan coaxed Tara into the sea. She was, for a landlocked citizen, a decent swimmer, and once they were past the breaking waves, she began to gain her confidence. Ryan dipped and dove like a seal, swimming with very little effort. Kat thought she'd rather stick to paddling. When Tara came back to shore, Cal, buoyed by her success, took Ryan's hand and they waded out further than Kat expected him to, standing chest high in the ocean for several minutes.
"Do you think love makes you brave?" she asked Honor, watching Ryan run sea-slicked fingers through Cal's hair when they finally came back to the beach.
"And foolish, alike." Honor glanced up at the sun. "How far do you suppose the tide comes in?" When he repeated the question to Ryan when he caught his attention, he received a brief lecture on tides and shorelines and was at last assured they'd be safe at their current position. Kat always found it amusing for Honor to be naïve on a subject, but Honor wasn't in the least put out by admitting his ignorance. He listened intently to Ryan, clearly filing the information away for later reference.
Larae joined them when the sun was noticeably lower in the sky, and admired the sand castle, replete with shells and other ornamentation. She'd never seen the Citadel, and Honor interrupted when Cal tried to tell Larae that the sand castle was an exact replica. For one thing, the real thing had more towers. For another, Tara added, none of the towers were crooked and crumbling.
Larae squinted in the sunlight. "How long will you be staying here, Majesty?"
Kat shrugged. "I'm not ready to leave yet. I think we'll stay the night."
At Kat's insistence, Larae returned to join them on the beach after taking the message to Sorleigh. Ryan took a net from his luggage and waded back out into the waves. He did, as promised, catch some fish.
Everyone pitched in to gather wood and kindling for a fire. Tara and Riku dug out a firepit and lined it with stones and wood and tufts of grass plucked from the cliff face. They soon got a fire started long before it was dark. Barton went back to the top of the cliffs and brought down some larger branches to keep the fire going.
By nightfall the fish and other edibles that had been caught or provided from the stores had been cooked and distributed. Everyone seemed relaxed as the stars began to show in the darkening sky.
Ryan rolled up a bundle of herbs into some thin leaves and got the resulting smoke alight. He took a long drag and blew a cloud of scented vapour up into the air. He offered the cigarillo to Cal who shook his head.
"Gives me a worse hangover than any amount of wine," he said.
Tara did accept however. She took three long drags, exhaling deeply after each. "That's enough," she said, handing it back to Ryan. "I don't want to get too intoxicated."
Ryan took another drag and decided to make a second cigarillo for sharing while he kept hold of the first. Riku took one drag of the second smoke before she offered it around.
To Kat's mild surprise, Honor also accepted the smoke. She was pleased, for clearly he did feel they were safe here, if he was allowing himself this indulgence.
He lay back on one elbow, savouring every mouthful for a few minutes. Riku moved a little way from the group and knelt facing the water, head bowed in prayer or meditation.
The moon rose and Cal pointed out the constellations to Ryan, who laughed and told him alternate names for two of the stars. Kat took just one puff of the smoke when Honor relinquished it to her, and then she handed it to Larae who gazed at it as if it were something alien.
"You smoke it," Kat explained unnecessarily. "It might make you cough if you've never tried it before. It's made of certain plants that make you feel relaxed. Happy." She guessed there'd been no or little smoking back in Caitir, home of temperance and propriety.
Ryan gave Larae some more helpful instructions. She managed a quick inhalation, and coughed. She smiled though as Ryan took the cigarillo from her and offered it around again. Even Barton took two long drags and declared it a decent blend.
The smell of the herbs was not unpleasant, especially mingled amongst the other scents of sea breeze, recent cooking, bonfire, and horses. The roar of the waves was soothingly repetitive and Kat gave a deep sigh of contentment. Honor moved to lie at her feet, his head in her lap. She ran one hand over his hair.
"Perhaps we should forget the rest of the Tour. We could stay here. Go back in a week, or a month," she said softly. She didn't mean it, deep down, but part of her felt exactly this way. She was homesick already, and there'd been so many incidents in these early weeks that she was disheartened to think what might befall them next. Mostly she wanted to hold onto this feeling of peace, and Honor guessed as such.
"You can't make moments last." Honor closed his eyes. "Just enjoy it while you can. Remember it later when you're feeling sad. Like a…an amulet."
Kat took one of his hands in hers. "I will try."
He nodded in satisfaction. "I love you," he said. He opened his eyes, pupils wide from the potent herbs. "I know, Kat. I know I can never marry you. That's all right. I still love you. Even though we've never…if we never."
"Honor." It wasn't that she didn't want sexual intimacy with him. It was that it was horribly unwise to even think of it, for so many reasons. She glanced around but no-one else seemed to be listening.
He shook his head. "No, let me finish. I cannot love you more than I already do. So if we never have sex, that's all right. I'm not waiting for it, or expecting it. It wouldn't change how I feel anyway. It couldn't. I love you, and I don't know how to say it any better than that. Words are…inadequate. You're everything to me."
"That's the smoke talking." It wasn't, of course. Intoxication only loosened tongues, it didn't change the feelings behind the words.
Her words displeased Honor and he frowned. "You doubt I love you?"
"Never." She couldn't easily bend down to kiss him, so instead she lifted his hand and pressed it to her lips. "It's just that if we were other people, maybe I could be with you as you want. As you deserve."
Would she still love him, if they were other people? Would they be the same, feel the same? Without the rock solid excuse of her royalty would she risk their friendship? She didn't want marriage or children regardless of her royal status, though Honor, devoted to the Lady, would always respect that. He might however push for more acknowledgement of their relationship, would want to move the boundaries.
For herself, she wondered if she would still keep him at a distance. She knew that Honor valued sex as a deeper commitment than she did and she couldn't bring herself to cross the line if she couldn't follow through on that promise. She didn't think monogamy would ever suit her. She also treated her sexual partners as friends or distractions – dalliances, as Cal always put it – but not as family, not as prospective lifelong partners, and part of that was because she couldn't afford to risk the throne. If she were not a royal, would she still keep herself closed off from them? Honor deserved better than that. He was already family though; and he was right that sex couldn't bring them much closer. What worried Kat was that it could push them apart.
It was all pointless to consider anyway. She was born royal. She could never know for certain what life would be like if she'd been born a commoner.
He squeezed her hand. "Then you would not have what you deserve. To be High Queen."
"Perhaps it would be worth it." The words tasted of deceit and if he were sober, Honor would notice and call her on it. Even now he protested.
"No." He pulled her hand back to his mouth, nipping at her thumb. "It would not. Just tell me you love me, if you do. That is enough."
"You know I do." Coward, she told herself. Say it. You say it to Cal. Yet that was not the same and always under different circumstances. Honor was right. Words were not enough. They meant too many things and not enough things and were imprecise. Besides, the curse, and the prophecy, and the tale of Catriona and other women who'd lost their beloved soul mates all haunted her thoughts. It might be tempting fate to say the words aloud.
But her faint-hearted admission was enough for Honor, who was sleeping when she next glanced down. Without anger or anxiety, his features were softer, younger, even. If he were a priest and not her vice-regent he might have such serenity more often. She used her free hand to stroke his cheek, biting her lip when the touch caused him to shift in her lap.
She'd have to wake him later, or try to slip out from under him without disturbing him, so she could lie down and sleep. For the moment though she gave him what he so often gave her. A moment of shelter, of protection, of trust. A chance to be utterly relaxed and sleep in assured safety.
no subject
Date: 2013-10-23 10:41 am (UTC)LOVE this one sweetie!
Well done!!!
no subject
Date: 2013-10-23 10:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-10-31 09:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-11-01 11:35 am (UTC)I'm glad you found it worked :) I always feel if you're going to be in a relationship you ought to be able to have open and honest discussions about things, including sex. Although I think I cheated slightly, using the intoxication as an excuse, as I did in an earlier (but set later) fic where a tipsy Kat pours out her feelings to Cal! There are other fics for this theme in this verse, when I write them, but I do want to try other verses too – I'm hoping I'll even discover new things about the characters as I write :)
long comment is long, part 1
Date: 2013-11-06 05:11 pm (UTC)Awwwwww! So beautiful! :D
For her part, Tara was glaring at the waves as if their constant intrusion onto the sand was meant as a personal insult.
Forever LOLing at this!! :D
Riku nodded calmly at this unnecessary assertion.
Honor, the Captain Obvious. LOLOLOL :D I envy Riku's composure! Riku FTW!! :D
*FLAILS*
not caring what Barton thought of a queen wandering around in her chemise.
LOLOLOL :D
Despite – or in some cases because – of the destruction, plenty of cultures and beliefs honoured or worshipped the ocean in some way; The Lady of the Waves was an aspect of Honor's goddess, but the Sea Queen, Lord of the Tides, and the Great Water, were just a few of the other deities from various faiths that Kat knew of.
Love all of this!! :D And the names for the deities are very intriguing! :D
Tara gave a squeal when Cal decided she needed a piece of seaweed down the back of her tunic.
LOLOLOLOL :D
"I was thinking it's secure."
Cautious!Honor is my favorite Honor! :D
Honor said, quoting a play or poem rather giving his opinion.
Was it supposed to be "rather than" or is it my English fail again? O_O
When you grow up next to the sea, you eat all sorts of her bounty.
Awwwww, the sea is her. :D
Eventually, Ryan coaxed Tara into the sea.
OMG YES SEXY WET TARA!! MY WISH HAS COME TRUE!! BB THANK YOU!!!!
*FLAILS MADLY*
"And foolish, alike."
Oh so true!
For another, Tara added, none of the towers were crooked and crumbling.
LOL :D
Honor moved to lie at her feet, his head in her lap. She ran one hand over his hair.
Awwwwww, so sweet! :D
"You can't make moments last."
Again, so very true! *sigh*
Remember it later when you're feeling sad. Like a…an amulet."
Oh, I love this comparison! :D
I know I can never marry you.
As if love equals marriage. I'm glad they know it doesn't! :D
Intoxication only loosened tongues, it didn't change the feelings behind the words.
Love this line! :D
Would she still love him, if they were other people?
OMG I LOVE THIS!!! :D *FLAILS* Questions with no answers that make you think about life and how we live it! Brilliant!! :D
*FLAILS HARD*
She didn't think monogamy would ever suit her.
May I say that I absolutely, totally love this? :D I LOVE THIS!! :D
He was already family though; and he was right that sex couldn't bring them much closer. What worried Kat was that it could push them apart.
Oh, yes, love this!! :D
long comment is long, part 2
Date: 2013-11-06 05:14 pm (UTC)I think I've never loved Kat more than now, in this moment! My own bias is showing. I'm such a coward this way and I relate 100%. And I generally find it easier to relate to flaws... I think it's because I see flaws in myself much more easily. That's another reason why I stan brats like Ysbail more readily than they deserve. *sigh*
Honor was right. Words were not enough. They meant too many things and not enough things and were imprecise.
OMG this is perfect! :D
It might be tempting fate to say the words aloud.
Love, love, love this!! :D
But her faint-hearted admission was enough for Honor, who was sleeping when she next glanced down.
OMG, yes, she got lucky and got out if saying it! :D I can't even properly explain why it makes me so happy. Not because of the fact that she didn't say the words, no. But because nothing is easy. That they have something ahead of them that they might or might not reach. That there's a journey! I love it! :D
Does this make sense? :D
For the moment though she gave him what he so often gave her. A moment of shelter, of protection, of trust. A chance to be utterly relaxed and sleep in assured safety.
I'm surprised to find that these things do not disturb me like they did before! I'm moved actually. So YAY! I'm having progress! :D
BB, this is such a sweet, nice, peaceful story, awwwwww, and I love it so much! :D
Thank you for writing it!! And thank you for sending me the link!! *HUGS TIGHT*
And of course now I want to know all about the "many incidents in these early weeks" and all that happens next!! :D
*FLAAAAAAAAAILS*
Re: long comment is long, part 2
Date: 2013-11-07 05:00 pm (UTC)Not an English fail, as usual, a fail on my part. Proof reading, how does you even when it's your own work? It's so much easier when I'm reading something I haven't written!
Yes, a flaw Kat recognises! Of course she might be tempting fate – she lives under the shadow of the magical curse and the similarities between herself and Catriona!
Honor was right. Words were not enough. They meant too many things and not enough things and were imprecise.
OMG this is perfect! :D I'm so happy about that! Because as writers, words are all we have – onscreen we have lighting and costumes and body language that can be more subtle – and yet sometimes words aren't precise enough.
Yes, it is a journey. The more I think about the theme of the novel, it's about Kat claiming her power. Taking control, admitting her feelings, breaking or using the curse. And everyone is tested and changed by the journey. Crises of faith. Injuries. There's that line in Pratchett about how "coming home is not the same as never leaving". You can't be exactly the same person after a journey like this.
In due time (or long overdue time!) there shall be details of what happened at Caitir that's been a source of stress ever since ;)
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Date: 2013-11-07 05:17 pm (UTC)Anyway. It's lovely - the beach, the chance for Kat and Honor to relax in safety, and talk about their feelings, although I notice that Honor does more of that last. It's also good to have a scene that's about Kat's problems - on the Tour, she spends a lot of time meeting new people and dealing with their issues. This fic has a more inward focus.
Whole kingdoms had been swallowed up by the Inundation. She suppressed a shiver. Despite – or in some cases because – of the destruction, plenty of cultures and beliefs honoured or worshipped the ocean in some way; The Lady of the Waves was an aspect of Honor's goddess, but the Sea Queen, Lord of the Tides, and the Great Water, were just a few of the other deities from various faiths that Kat knew of.
I like this glimpse of the past of Kat's world, too. The Inundation was obviously important - that and the reference to Kat's mother's death make me think maybe she was killed by a tsunami or flood.
I also really like the reference to the many water deities, and how people worship because of the sea's destructive power.
no subject
Date: 2013-11-07 06:47 pm (UTC)I suppose this is a counterpoint to "In Vino Veritas" where a tipsy Kat talked about her feelings :) I'm glad the focus on her personal issues works because of course personal feelings and relationships are the core of the story :)
My head canon is that Kat's mother went on a voyage and never returned. The rocky coastlines mean it's dangerous to travel too far out to sea and she was presumed dead. The "why" she went is something Kat will have to discover later.
I admit I'm heavily influenced by Pratchett here, and the almighty Sea Queen of "Small Gods" :)
I always value your input, from your nit picking at errors I'm oblivious to, to your thoughts on themes that I'm not always concious of myself :)