Poems for writerverse

[meridian_rose]

Two poems for this week's writerverse drabble challenge; they're paired, in that the second one tells the story in the first poem from the woman's POV.


The First Time

The first time he kissed her
It was raining
And she tasted of cherry cola

The first time he made love to her
It was Thursday
And he brought her roses

The first time they went to London
It was romantic
And he proposed

The first time they had a row
It was her fault
And he wasn't going to apologise

The first time he cheated on her
It was going to be the last
But it wasn't

The first time they went to counselling
It was a disaster
The therapist took her side

The first time he threatened her
It was one moment of anger
But she blew it out of proportion

The first time he'd ever begged a woman for anything
It was for a second chance
And she ignored him

The last time he saw her
It was as she boarded the train
With another man's ring on her finger



Forgotten

He'd seemed so perfect at first
Now she could not remember
Why she'd ever found him that attractive to begin with
Why she'd agreed to marry him
Why she'd stayed as long as she did
When he was cheating on her
When he was always verbally abusing her
When he was threatening her, which
Was the last straw

And now she'd found someone else
Someone who loved her in a way he never had
And just as she had forgotten
How he'd once been able to make her smile
She hoped that soon she would forget everything else
Even his name

Comments

[brontefanatic.livejournal.com]

I really liked the parallel viewpoints here.

For some reason, th male point of view hit me the hardest - the repeated use of "The first time" up until the last stanza was a wonderful method of tracing the trajectory of the relationship from first love/euphoria through marriage, betrayal, cynicism and then, finally, loss.

[meridian_rose]

Thank you. The first one is definitely my favourite and the repetitive nature was the first came that came to mind when I started writing it. The second one was more 'just for points' but the prompt suggested I could refer back and tell the alternate POV :D

[hrhrionastar.livejournal.com]

Wow, these are so intense. I love the repetition in the first one, and the way you presented both viewpoints was fascinating.

[meridian_rose]

Thank you. I don't really write poetry so this was a chance to try something different, and the repetition was the first thing that came to mind for the prompt 'first time'. The second was more just for the points, but I thought it worked for the 'forgotten' prompt and let me show that really he was an ass and a bit delusional too.