meridian_rose | writing avoidance/random update

I'm supposed to be finishing up my h/c bingo extra; it's due tomorrow night. Naturally, I'm trying to find ways to procrastinate. I'm a bit graphics'd out, so although I've got icons to make, it's not happening right now.

My userpic extras run out in a few days and I can't justify the expenditure, [though it's minuscule in the scheme of things]. I've got a gifted paid account, so I get a total of thirty seven icons but that's one third of what I did have available so I've been reluctantly sorting out my icons, and updating a few of them. When the package runs out I should be at my quota so the icons I most want to keep are still available to use. My new default icon is a bit blue for my purple lj theme but it's a nice sentiment and a neutral icon overall.

Quick rant. I was doing a bit of research for the h/c bingo and came across a site with some 'do' and 'don't' things to say to someone suffering from depression. The 'do' things, apart from a couple of cheesy things, were sensible, caring things like 'You’re not alone in this', 'You are important to me' and 'I can’t really understand what you are feeling, but I can offer my compassion'.

The 'don't' things...I'm guessing these are actual or paraphrased things that people with depression have reported to the Depression Alliance who provided the information. Things like 'No one ever said that life was fair', 'Haven’t you grown tired of all this “me, me, me” stuff yet?' and the one that takes the biscuit: 'I think your depression is a way of punishing us'.

Who the hell says that to someone? Is the 'us' the speaker and the sufferer, and the punishment is from God? Is the 'us' everyone in the sufferer's life, except for the sufferer - making it sound as if they are deliberately being depressed in order to punish their loved ones? I can't get my head around it.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

The "don't" list is full of things people who have never suffered from/seen someone suffer from depression.

I hope you're right, because I got the impression people have said those things or similar to people with depression, seeing them as just feeling a bit down but making a big deal of it. No one who has any experience with a depressive or anxiety disorder would say them, I'd imagine.

(reply from suspended user)

I don't suppose there is anything you can say to someone after that. It just seems so hurtful a thing to say; to be on the receiving end of that is to hear that you're doing this on purpose, then, and so adds frustration and maybe guilt when you're struggling already. I thought the 'do' list was an incredibly helpful resource, but the 'don't' list is mind boggling, that people need to be told some of these things.

Those are things I'll bear in mind if/when I tackle the subject again, from a more negative angle [I was making sure for this one, I was getting the positive support right]. Thanks for your input on this. I hope I didn't cause any harm by posting this outside on an LJ cut.

'I think your depression is a way of punishing us'. Ouch. I think that's really unfair, that people would actually say that to someone suffering from depression--but I've come across that before: some people just don't believe mental illnesses are real, and they assume the person must be in control, so they're doing it on purpose to get sympathy or punish everyone else.

It's so terrible, and victim blaming, and making it all about the speaker. I was looking stuff up for a sense of realism [or as real as things get when there's vampires involved] and thought that site worth a look to make sure the characters were being suitably sympathetic to their friend. I was pretty much right with where I was going, as it turned out, but those 'don't's; I feel like I might want to tackle that punishment one at some point in another fic, and examine the impact of how hurtful it is.

I feel like I might want to tackle that punishment one at some point in another fic, and examine the impact of how hurtful it is. Good idea!

I feel like that one especially is also very egocentric: that the person who's depressed is actively trying to punish the speaker, rather than having an honest reaction of their own.

*nudges you to write* ;)

Ugh. I was rather depressed when I still lived with my mum. I had a lot of the "don't" things said to me. Was told I was doing it to get attention and that I wasn't actually depressed, and that "life is unfair". Also at one point I was told by mum that she and a friend of hers had been discussing the possibility of me having aspergers (mum yelled it at me in an argument), which I don't. I'm introverted, but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with me. Definitely not helpful, what they said to me, in any case. :/ I don't think they understood it. Which.. I don't get, because my brother has since been put on anti-depressants and they're actually helping him with it (or at very least, admitting he's depressed and needs help).

The thing that got me out of mine, other than moving out, was having my flist around and their support. And my best friend, Bec. I love my friends. ♥ Occasionally I'll have a bad day now, but I know now that I have people in my life who care and will help me instead of the other thing. So. Yep. That's me.

Nudging acknowledged :D It will be done by the deadline :D

I'm so sorry you had to hear those things, and I hope I didn't cause any harm by mentioning them outside an LJ cut. Having people who understand and who listen and sympathise is so important when you're having a difficult time. I'm glad your flist helped, and Bec; and now you have Zach, and it must be so wonderful to have that support.

:)

Np, it's fine. Yeah, things have come a long way for me in the past year or two. :)

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