meridian_rose | procrastinating

I'm working on a fic that will fulfil a mini big bang requirement; I didn't know this when I started it, but it's getting very long and meets one of the required prompts, so yay :D But I'm heading for the home stretch. This is one of those rare occasions where I haven't written the end [usually by now I'm trying to glue the start and finish together somehow]. And I know more or less what happens. But I'm finding myself reluctant to write it. And when I finish a long fic I usually hate it, at least for a while.

I had a think and maybe it's because of the length. I mostly write one-off short fic, around one thousand words or so. But anything over three thousand, anything that even looks big bang or mini big bang and panic starts to set in. I'm wondering if it's to do with quality, that people will expect more from a longer fic...that's an insight that only occurred as I was typing this.

I did a free writing exercise again around my reluctance to finish long fics and why I always hate them once I've finished them. I came up with a few reasons about my fear around finishing things in general, about the level of personal investment a longer fic represents, and how hating it might be an overly critical reaction but one that makes me strive harder overall, or how hating it is a self-sabotage reaction that wants me to not share this thing with the outside world. Because sharing it opens it [me] up to criticism and this fic is long and has personal investment in it and probably needs more editing; if I share it, I have to acknowledge that it is finished, complete, and is ready to face the outside world.

I don't have this problem with the one-shots; they're moments in time, and are often character sketches or pairing fulfilments. They're meant to posit a particular circustmance, AU, or to examine a character's thoughts or motivations. They are contained, like a the various forms of poetry are contained. No need to worry too much about the before or the later or the overall plot arc; just write to the form, and it's done, complete...

Do other people feel this way about their creations? Maybe icons are okay but wallpapers or picspams cause agonising over? Maybe fannish creations are okay but anything original isn't? Maybe you're okay with your fic but not your vids? Maybe you're never really happy with anything you finish - not at first/not ever/until you look back at it. Or maybe you deal with any self criticism beforehand and only post when you're happy.

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Good luck honey!

Thank you :D I know I can figure this one out, it's just taking a bit of time. I know you understand, because you are writing so many different fics, that sometimes you want to write one story more than another.

I usually write the end, and then the chapters leading up to the end are positively excruciating. And then I go back and forth between thinking it's awesome and thinking it sucks, but being sure of one thing:

I'm NOT rewriting it.

But yeah, the homestretch is always the hardest.

It never shows in your writing :D You make it look effortless when you post chapter after chapter of well plotted fic.

'I'm NOT rewriting it'; this is probably a good thing with chaptered fic, or it would never get finished. And then we would nag you :D

I know what you mean, about not feeling like something's really finished...I'm very shy about posting original work, maybe because of this. But I typically start at the beginning and write until I get a different inspiration--then I stop working on the first thing for awhile, and hopefully I come back to it again...usually, I know what the ending is but not always how I'm going to get there.

Plus, even for oneshots I usually think about the overall plot arc, because I often get ideas for sequels that I'm never sure if I'm going to write...

And I hate rewriting--I've gotten better at editing, but if something really isn't working I just leave it alone for awhile.

Absolutely, the hardest part is the bit right before the end, when one's initial inspiration is already written, the logical conclusion is within sight, but one is still stuck in the build-up...

(Sorry for the rambling.)

because I often get ideas for sequels that I'm never sure if I'm going to write. LOL, I identify strongly with this. I have libraries of unwritten fic in my mental archives.

And I love your 'rambling'. I enjoy hearing other writers talk about their inspirations and their stuck points and how they get past them :D

Actually, I'm probably going to beg for your help with a couple of things for this fic. You always have insight that I don't :D

I have libraries of unwritten fic in my mental archives. OMG, yes. And, which in some ways is even worse, half-finished/barely started pieces that came from a real insight, but then I lost the thread, or got inspired by something else...sigh.

Actually, I'm probably going to beg for your help with a couple of things for this fic. You always have insight that I don't :D Aw, likewise :D I have something I may beg your help with, too :D

I'd be thrilled to help :D
I was going to PM you but things were odd this weekend, including not being able to be at the PC much at all yesterday and then when I was, I wrote about another one and a half thousand words on the fic. It's got a mind of its own.

I wrote about another one and a half thousand words on the fic. It's got a mind of its own. Congrats ;) Don't you love it when the story takes over? I always feel like the things I absolutely had to write, the stuff that wouldn't leave me alone, is my best work.

I was going to PM you but things were odd this weekend. For me as well. I keep waiting for rl to calm down...but we should totally talk :D

I worry a lot over longer fics I write too. What you said about being more personally invested and I guess trying to get it perfect for others to see.. it's a nerve-wracking thing, and something I admire long fic and novel writers for muchly.

One-shots are definitely easier. Your words say it perfectly.

thank you for the input :D I'm glad it made sense to someone else.

procrastinating - um, thinking...

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