but right then he was the predator and I the prey, a tiger toying with a deer. BB, I'm being nit-picky again. Doesn't it read as if Carter calls himself a tiger rather than Robin? Because he says "I the prey, a tiger..." my mind jumps to a (obviously wrong) conclusion that Carter's the tiger here, that of course isn't true.
I did struggle with this. I was going to write it that way but I thought it was more correct this way, grouping the terms in the order in which they appear: He (Robin), Predator, tiger I (Carter), Prey, deer
It could be either, I suppose, and maybe I'd have to rewrite the sentence to make it clear :)
chattered on about a Roman temple he'd once visited all the way to the car I'm reading this as "visited [temple] all the way to the car" then get confused, then laugh because it's too funny and I don't even want you to change it! :D LOL, good catch. There should probably be a comma in there!
something I had to keep trying to remember when Robin persisted in looking so youthful and naïve. LOLOLOL :D I love this! :D Thank you! I liked the idea of Carter blaming Robin, as if Robin is looking young just to piss Carter off :D
if he was using his mouth for talking he wasn't using it on me in any way, shape, or form. OMG I CAN'T *IZ DEAD* :D
I thought this was going to be easy, just change he to I and so on. But I found myself adding things and changing things, so it was a more interesting exercise than I expected :D
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BB, I'm being nit-picky again. Doesn't it read as if Carter calls himself a tiger rather than Robin? Because he says "I the prey, a tiger..." my mind jumps to a (obviously wrong) conclusion that Carter's the tiger here, that of course isn't true.
I did struggle with this. I was going to write it that way but I thought it was more correct this way, grouping the terms in the order in which they appear:
He (Robin), Predator, tiger
I (Carter), Prey, deer
It could be either, I suppose, and maybe I'd have to rewrite the sentence to make it clear :)
chattered on about a Roman temple he'd once visited all the way to the car
I'm reading this as "visited [temple] all the way to the car" then get confused, then laugh because it's too funny and I don't even want you to change it! :D LOL, good catch. There should probably be a comma in there!
something I had to keep trying to remember when Robin persisted in looking so youthful and naïve.
LOLOLOL :D I love this! :D Thank you! I liked the idea of Carter blaming Robin, as if Robin is looking young just to piss Carter off :D
if he was using his mouth for talking he wasn't using it on me in any way, shape, or form.
OMG I CAN'T *IZ DEAD* :D
I thought this was going to be easy, just change he to I and so on. But I found myself adding things and changing things, so it was a more interesting exercise than I expected :D