Well looking back at it, 'reads like a screenplay' is just inaccurate, so I ought not to pay any of it any mind. Some people just think they know better than everyone :P

That's the biggest danger for me too, making sure I don't muddle up the tenses if I've changed the style. And I know we had a brief debate when you beta'd for me, on how best to approach describing potential future events :D

I think I might google future tense and see if I can read some examples to get a better handle on how it works. Educational meme :D